


You Are You And I Am Me

by moonrisings



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Coming of Age, Explicit Language, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mentions Of Gong Myung, Mentions of Violence, Mentions of Yuta - Freeform, Minor Violence, Mutual Pining, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Smut, Underage Drinking, brief mention of Johnny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-04-08 00:59:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 35,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14093544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonrisings/pseuds/moonrisings
Summary: Doyoung and Taeyong are good friends. They love each other, to the point it can ruin them.





	1. New Moon

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! So this is my first ever fic,,,I just love dotae so much and have been itching to write them since like last year so lol here we are! I hope you enjoy this and comments are always welcomed as well as criticism as I'm new to this! More tags will be added as the story progresses so please look forward to it!

“Do you like it?” Doyoung asks, exhaling and pursing his lips as he looks up at the starry night sky. “Like what?” Taeyong asks in a questioning tone, turning his head to the side to catch sight of Doyoung’s face. They’re both lying down on the grass, It’s 3 in the morning, a hot summer night. It’s too hot to even think about anything other than how hot it is but Doyoung successfully distracts Taeyong’s mind from the annoying thoughts about the hot weather and places his hand on his shoulder.

“Looking at the stars.” Doyoung says in a small voice, almost whispering. Taeyong shudders from the unexpected hand on his shoulder that is starting to draw little imaginary circles on his bicep.  
Taeyong responds shortly after, trying to ignore Doyoung’s hand on his bicep. “Not really, but here we are, looking at the stars.” He says in a bit of a sarcastic tone. Doyoung hisses at that and furrows his eyebrows “Stop being so sarcastic all the time, how about having fun for a change?” Doyoung squeezes Taeyong’s arm. Taeyong then turns his head to look at Doyoung’s eyes directly and simply smiles.

“I am having fun, looking at the stars...with you.” Trying to ignore the blush threatening to stain his cheeks red, Taeyong looks up at the sky, acting as if he never even said anything. Doyoung turns his entire body at that, lying down sideways and putting all his weight on his left arm. “What did you say just now? W-with me?” Doyoung stutters a little, seemingly shocked from what taeyong had just said to him. “Yeah, I mean isn’t it fun looking at the stars at 3 in the morning with your friend?”

Taeyong laughs awkwardly, trying to ignore the little sting in his heart. “Oh.” Doyoung says, sounding disappointed as if it wasn’t the answer he was expecting to hear. “Yeah, it is. Anyways we should head to my house now since it’s getting late and you know how my parents are when I get home late and-” He mumbles the rest of the sentence to himself when he realizes Taeyong is already on his feet, shaking the grass off the back of his shirt and pants. “Yeah I know how your parents are.” Taeyong sighs and offers a hand to Doyoung who accepts Taeyong’s hand and gets up from the dry grass.

The atmosphere feels weird. Like there is something they both need to talk about but none of them has the courage to bring it up. The weird tension between them lingers in the air until they reach Doyoung’s house.

They’re standing in front of Doyoung’s house and the next thing Taeyong knows Doyoung is lowering his head and whispering in his ear. “Okay, now you have to be super quiet. I don’t want my parents to wake up and start questioning me.” Taeyong couldn’t deny the chill that went up his spine when he felt Doyoung’s hot breath on his ear, he couldn’t help but think about the so small distance between him and Doyoung. This isn’t the first time this happens, Taeyong and Doyoung sneaking out of the house late at night and coming back to Doyoung’s house around 3 in the morning, this isn’t the first time Doyoung is asking Taeyong to be super quiet before they get inside the house and it is definitely not the first time Taeyong and Doyoung were so close like this to the point Taeyong just wanted to rip the hairs off his head at how good Doyoung smells and how small and safe he feels in Doyoung’s presence.

“Okay, yes I know. Don’t worry I’ll be as quiet as possible.” Taeyong takes a deep breath and forces a smile, ignoring the fact his hands are all clammy and his cheeks are slightly red. Trying to convince himself it’s all because of the weather.

Doyoung carefully opens the door, trying not to wake anyone up in order to successfully get to his room along with Taeyong who is struggling to find him because it’s too dark for him to see anything. Doyoung notices Taeyong’s struggle and grabs his hand, pulling him inside the house and closing the front door behind them. He can feel Taeyong trying to pull away from his hold but he can’t allow himself to let Taeyong walk around his house when he can barely see anything and so he insists on holding onto Taeyong’s hand even though deep inside he feels a sting, a sting caused by the feeling of being rejected by Taeyong.

“But this is all technical, just to help Taeyong get to my room since he can’t see anything in the dark.” He thinks to himself as he pulls Taeyong a bit closer, unintentionally of course. Doyoung leads Taeyong to his room carefully, he can feel the latter clinging onto his arm, he tries to ignore the warmth surrounding his arm but he can’t. Not when it’s Taeyong who is clinging to him so endearingly like a little kid.

Doyoung had always tried to figure those feelings out. Ever since he and Taeyong had met in sophomore year in that weird party one of their classmates, Ten held in his house. The moment his and Taeyong’s eyes met for the first time he felt this little unexplainable pinch in his heart. He really did try to figure out those feelings. Was it friendly affection? Maybe it was just Taeyong’s fragile and delicate figure and behavior that ignited Doyoung’s maternal instincts and that’s why he cares so much about the other. Maybe it was the fact Taeyong was so lovely and interesting to be around that Doyoung was charmed to the point it felt as if all the systems in his body shut off completely whenever Taeyong said his name.

“Okay, here we are” Doyoung says quietly as he’s walking into the room, pulling Taeyong in. He shuts the door and turns the light on. They finally get to see each other clearly, both blushing and trying to hide their embarrassment by looking down on the floor.

“I didn’t bring any...pajamas with me so could you lend me something?” Taeyong is still looking down at the floor , playing with his hands nervously. “Oh yeah, yeah of course. Just go ahead and take whatever you want.” Doyoung says, trying to sound relaxed, he scratches the back of his neck. Taeyong turns around, heading towards Doyoung’s closet, already knowing where it is as  
this is one of the many times Taeyong has been in Doyoung’s house.

Taeyong’s heart is beating fast, knowing Doyoung is watching him pick one of his clothes, thinking about the fact he’s going to wear Doyoung’s clothes, to smell Doyoung, to smell like Doyoung. It sounds silly but Taeyong can’t stop the thoughts running through mind about how weird yet right this feels.

He can feel his hands all clammy and sweaty and is reminded of how embarrassed he was when Doyoung grabbed his sweaty hand earlier when they had just entered the house. He tried to let go of Doyoung’s hand because he didn’t want Doyoung to think he’s sweaty but the latter refused to let go of his hand, Taeyong tried to ignore the dizzying sensation he was feeling back there.

When Taeyong finally finds something that could fit his size he reaches out to it, smiling a small, innocent smile. As he’s moving towards a random empty spot in Doyoung’s room he feels a pair of eyes looking at him.

“Where are you going?” Doyoung asks in a serious tone. Taeyong stands in his place, not bothering to turn around and look at the latter’s face in some kind of unexplainable fear.

“I’m going to change my clothes in this random spot in the room so...don’t look at me changing ok?” Taeyong feels the blush creeping up from his neck up to his cheeks. A moment later he hears laughter echoing from the other side of the room, pinching his heart. Doyoung’s laugh. His honey-like voice. The way his laughter just sounds so smooth, like music to Taeyong’s ears. His thoughts are interrupted by Doyoung.

“Don’t worry, I won’t look, plus you could’ve just asked me to turn around.” Doyoung smiles, his smile taking up half of his face. “Cute”. Taeyong thinks to himself for the nth time tonight. “Okay so turn around Doyoung.” Taeyong says quite playfully and Doyoung cheekily smiles but turns around.

As Taeyong is getting out of his sweaty and smelly clothes from earlier he looks at Doyoung, his back, his broad shoulders, his long neck and silky, black hair that falls perfectly on his ears. “How can a person look so beautiful from a back view?” Taeyong thinks to himself as he’s now taking his white t-shirt and black skinny jeans off and soon he’s left almost naked apart from the underwear he still had on.

He wonders to himself what would happen if Doyoung were to turn around right now. How would he react to seeing Taeyong almost fully exposed in front of his eyes? How would he react if Taeyong were to walk up to him just like that and touch him? Express his love towards him. Because Taeyong knows he likes, no, loves Doyoung after thinking about it for the past two years ever since they met in sophomore year and now they’re already seniors, yet he never had the courage to confess.

He’s been too busy thinking if those feelings he feels are real because he has never felt that way towards anyone. He just wants to be loved, to be embraced, to be told he’s worth it, to be held, to belong to someone. To Doyoung.

All those thoughts are cut off by Doyoung’s soft yet impatient voice calling out to Taeyong. “Taeyong? Can I turn around now? I wanna change to comfortable clothes too.” Taeyong’s heart pounding heavily in his chest when he realizes in what situation he’s in. Almost fully naked in Doyoung’s room, staring at Doyoung’s beautiful back and thinking partly inappropriate thoughts at 3 in the fucking morning.

“Y-yes, just a second okay I just gotta put my pants on.” Taeyong lets out a forced out laughter to avoid the inevitable awkwardness that is lingering in the air. “Okay, you can turn around I’m done changing. Sorry it took so long.” Taeyong says in an apologetic tone, ruffling his hair nervously.

“Oh don’t worry about it, I just wanna get out of these sweaty clothes and go to bed. You can get in my bed already while I change if you want to.” Doyoung offers.  
It was only a suggestion but Taeyong obeys as if it was an order and gets in Doyoung’s bed like a small kitten, getting under the blanket and while Doyoung isn’t looking, sniffing the pillow to take in Doyoung’s sweet scent.

Taeyong is tired and his eyes are starting to close with each passing second. It’s almost 4 in the morning after all and it’s only reasonable for Taeyong to feel sleepy. He starts dozing off until he feels a hand on the side of his neck, thumb ghosting over his cheekbone and a pair of eyes inspecting his face. He opens his eyes in surprise but he doesn’t move.

The sleepiness taking over his ability to think properly at the moment, but he dully stares at the latter, aware of the small distance between them but not making any move to back away. Doyoung places his thumb on Taeyong’s cheek and rubs little circles as he gets closer and closer to Taeyong’s face until they can feel each other’s breaths on their faces.

It’s beautiful, this scenario. Taeyong thinks to himself. A hot summer night, 4 in the morning, dim light barely lighting the room but enough to see Doyoung’s angelic face. He’s staring into the eyes of the man he wants to be held by and loved by the most, a few inches apart from just doing it. A few inches apart from kissing Doyoung and know what it feels like kissing the person he wants to be with the most, the person he wants to belong to, the person he desires the most.

“What now then?” Doyoung whispers, a small smile forming on his face. Taeyong’s heart aches, his chest is heavy, he doesn’t know what to do. He can’t kiss Doyoung. He’s too scared of the consequences. What if they kiss and Doyoung won’t like it? What if they kiss and Doyoung will like it but will only want something sexual and nothing more than that? What if they start dating and they break up and never talk again? He can’t kiss Doyoung.

He can’t ruin their friendship. He can’t ruin the only thing he’s built and invested in just to be as close as he can to Doyoung. He just can’t allow himself to fuck this up because he feels enormous affection towards this beautiful man who is only few inches apart from him. And so Taeyong smiles at Doyoung, forcing a hurtful smile and turns around, facing the wall instead of Doyoung now.

His heart feels like it’s been ripped out of his chest and a tear threatens to fall from his eye as he says in a shaky voice “Goodnight Doyoung.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed this!


	2. Waxing Crescent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm back with a new chapter and hopefully getting better n better in wrtiting,,,anyways questions and constructive criticism are always welcomed! I hope you enjoy this chapter xoxo

The next morning, Doyoung wakes up feeling something pressing him into the mattress. Like a weight on his chest, he hasn’t even opened his eyes yet but he knows it’s Taeyong’s head placed somehow beautifully on his chest. 

Everything Taeyong does is beautiful, the way he inhales and exhales, the way his hair is always slightly messy and covers his eyebrows and a bit of his charming, mesmerizing doe eyes that Doyoung can’t resist to stare at whenever he gets the chance to, the way Taeyong walks so delicately and elegantly. 

Taeyong’s mere existence is beautiful and Doyoung can’t resist thinking of Taeyong being his. He wants to own Taeyong and discover him, unravel him. Because Taeyong is like a mystery to Doyoung. No matter how much the latter will tell him about himself Doyoung still wants more of him. He wants to know all the dark secrets no one but him knows. He longs for Taeyong.

Doyoung snaps out of those thoughts immediately when he hears a low grunt coming from Taeyong. He’s still asleep and Doyoung thinks he might just cry from how cute Taeyong looks on his chest, one hand around Doyoung’s waist and the other close to his face. 

The beaming morning sunlight coming from the window assuring Doyoung that yes, this is real. The man he’s wanted to be close to for the longest is right here, next to him, sleeping soundly on his chest. Is this really happening? 

And why, out of all people in the world did Doyoung have to develop feelings for the most beautiful, endearing and charming person on this planet? Why Lee Taeyong? He wonders to himself as he’s staring at the ceiling, arm around Taeyong’s shoulder, holding him tightly. 

This doesn’t feel like a friendship to Doyoung. He feels like there’s much more to it but he can’t even fully admit that this is it, that it’s more than friendship because Taeyong keeps sending him mixed signals.  
One moment he’s clinging onto him and a moment later he turns his back to him and almost breaks his heart in half.

Doyoung just doesn’t know anymore, maybe he doesn’t even want to know. Perhaps he just wants to keep this entire act up and ignore all the times Taeyong has rejected him and instead remind himself of all those sweet and more than friendship-like moments he and Taeyong have shared up until now.  
Just act as if they’re friends and friends only who are there for each other whenever they need the other’s comfort and warmth. 

That’s it. Maybe that’s the best thing Doyoung can come up with to maintain this almost so-called love arrangement that they have between them.  
Maybe that way Taeyong won’t be able to break Doyoung’s heart. Ever. If they play a game called ‘pretend’.

“Doyoung” a hoarse voice echoing in his ears and snapping him out of his thoughts.  
Doyoung feels the little pinch in his heart upon hearing Taeyong’s soft yet rough morning voice. “Yeah?” he replies, not daring to look at Taeyong’s face, instead looking up at the ceiling. 

“What time is it?” Taeyong inhales, getting up from Doyoung’s chest to sit up and find his phone which is on the nightstand next to his side of the bed. Ruffling his hair while grabbing his phone and looking at the time, Taeyong groans. “It’s only 9am, but I won’t be able to go back to sleep now that i’ve woken up.” 

He rubs his eyes and takes a glance at Doyoung who’s still staring at the ceiling, Taeyong thinks he might be high but it’s too early for that.  
“Doyoung, Are you okay? You barely made any movement or talked ever since we woke up.” 

Doyoung, registering what Taeyong had just said to him only nods. Thinking to himself he should act more natural around Taeyong and not be so distant but for some reason he can’t. He feels a heavy burden on his chest and it just won’t leave him alone. It kinda hurts, and he doesn’t even know why. But it hurts. Being with Taeyong hurts. Being next to Taeyong hurts.

Doyoung doesn’t say anything and simply gets up, heading towards the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth. Taeyong is left alone in his room, only his phone and the morning sunlight to accompany him. 

Doyoung’s parents aren’t home and his brother, Gong Myung is in college working his ass off so he can finally graduate already. They’re all alone.

Doyoung washes his face, splashing cold water on his dry skin, closing his eyes. Harsh memories he’s been trying to forget for a long time now hit him all at once, he’s suddenly reminded of all the times Taeyong had hurt him. 

Like the time at Johnny’s pool party where Doyoung had tried to convince Taeyong to go in the water with him but Taeyong refused and pushed Doyoung away, not pleased with Doyoung’s stubbornness, he went to talk to Jaehyun instead, one of their classmates. 

He remembers seeing them laughing together and Taeyong looking so genuinely happy around Jaehyun. He remembers how he felt his heart slowly being crumbled into small pieces inside his chest. He remembers how days later he still beat himself up because of it, telling himself he should’ve done better, how he should’ve treated Taeyong better and not be so stubborn and annoying. 

He remembers crying nonstop, sleepless nights accompanying the sadness and loneliness creeping up in Doyoung’s heart and how the weight in his chest had slowly gotten heavier and heavier. 

One painful memory he’s been trying to forget the most suddenly hits him, he’s reminded of the time Taeyong’s dog died, Doyoung came over to comfort Taeyong because the latter was so sad he couldn’t go out of the house from being so upset. 

He remembers seeing Taeyong crying over something he loves and cherishes and as much as Doyoung felt sick for thinking that, he really hoped to see more of that vulnerable side of Taeyong but at the same time he didn’t want to see Taeyong crying and hurting and so he said, trying to sound as comforting as he can “Well, you can always get another dog! Right?” 

Taeyong then looked at Doyoung, nose red and eyes swollen from crying so much and muttered “Get out. I don’t want you here.” 

Doyoung, surprised from what Taeyong had said to him opened his mouth in shock and said in a confused tone “What do you mean? I-I came here to make you feel better-” 

He was cut off by Taeyong pinning him to the ground, straddling his lap, legs on each side of Doyoung. Lightly punching him, it didn’t particularly hurt so Doyoung just let Taeyong punch him, let him take out his anger and sadness on him. 

He didn’t mind as long as it helped Taeyong, as long as it made Taeyong feel better. Doyoung let himself be swayed by Taeyong’s punching rhythm, now punching his chest. 

Doyoung was fine, he had no problem with Taeyong letting out his anger on him, thinking the anger wasn’t directed to him. 

He was fine until he felt a wave of pain going up to his nose, and the next thing he knew, he was bleeding from his nose. Taeyong injured him, he made him bleed. He got hurt for Taeyong, for the sake of Taeyong’s well being. He got hurt not just physically but emotionally. 

He barely remembers anything from that day but he does vividly remember Taeyong getting off of him and mumbling something that sounded like “I hate you.” 

Doyoung wasn’t sure if Taeyong really said that but he decided to ignore it. For the sake of his own feelings and his poor, fragile, and already aching heart. It’s been a year since that happened.

Taeyong had hurt him, multiple times but he couldn’t stop the feelings he felt for him for some reason. He just couldn’t seem to find a good enough reason to end it all. To end their friendship and their weird comforting habits that included cuddling and sometimes showing too much affection towards each other. He just couldn’t let go of Taeyong, as toxic as he may be sometimes, he couldn’t.

Doyoung opens his eyes and looks at his own reflection in the mirror, going back to reality.

He looks like a mess, bags under his eyes and messy, oily hair that seems to be dry at the same time. He looks pale, way too pale than usual and he thinks it may result from overthinking and lack of sleep, and it probably is as he’s been sleeping for 5 hours approximately per night these days.

After brushing his teeth and washing his face, he comes back to his room only to find Taeyong sitting up in Doyoung’s bed, seems like he’s been waiting for him to come back from the bathroom.

“Doyoung, can we talk? I-It’s nothing serious I just wanna know what’s up like are you not feeling well or…? You know you can tell me right?” Taeyong says in a concerned tone, tilting his head to the side a bit and looking at Doyoung, a worried expression on his face.

“I’m fine, what makes you think I’m not?” Doyoung chuckles, forcing a smile and trying to sound as natural as possible.

“I don’t know...it’s just- you’re not acting like yourself maybe...it’s just me. It’s just me right?” Taeyong tries to reason himself, smiling a reassuring smile at doyoung. “I mean we just woke up, I don’t even know why I assumed something like that.” He laughs awkwardly, blush staining his cheeks red, he scratches the back of his neck nervously and tries to avoid eye contact with Doyoung.

Doyoung goes with the excuse Taeyong had just made up. “Yeah...morning, you know how I am in the morning sometimes, all gloomy and stuff.” 

Doyoung says, trying to convince himself and Taeyong that it’s true though they both know it isn’t, They both know Doyoung is a morning person who literally opens his mouth from the moment he wakes up to the moment he goes to sleep. 

Whatever, they both brush it off and nod at each other, halfheartedly believing the lie they had just made up together and ignoring the very obvious, unspoken tension that is lingering in the air.

“Alright, i’ll go ahead and go brush my teeth and wash my face then!” Taeyong breaks the awkward silence and tension, getting up from Doyoung’s bed and heading towards the bathroom. 

Taeyong disappears into the bathroom and Doyoung lets out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding in. He can’t lie, he’s never lied in his life. To anyone, it’s just who he is - An honest guy who is true to himself and lying to himself and Taeyong was too much for him. 

But he had to, he had to for the sake of enjoying their little so-called game called ‘love’ if he could even call it that. 

He’s been wondering to himself for a while now if this is ‘love’, since he’s heard that in ‘love’ you’re supposed to develop feelings for a person, wanting to be with them, to be around them all the time and hold them in every opportunity possible. He’s heard that in ‘love’ you have to make sacrifices and that includes letting yourself get hurt for the person you love. He never once thought that might be toxic. 

And for Doyoung it seems like that ‘thing’ he’s developed towards Taeyong fits all the criterias of ‘love’.  
He’s hurting for the purpose of Taeyong being happy, and for the purpose of them keeping this sweet, nice ,euphoric ‘friendship’ they have.

“Should we go downstairs and make some breakfast? I suppose your parents aren’t home? So it’s okay if we make something by ourselves right?” Taeyong’s soft voice coming from behind him, interrupting Doyoung’s intense thinking session.

His heart skips a beat upon hearing Taeyong’s angelic voice. He turns around to face Taeyong, clearing his throat.  
“Yes, let’s go downstairs and make something I’m hungry so...good timing.” Trying to sound calm as if he didn’t just think about how Taeyong keeps hurting him, emotionally twisting his guts from the inside. 

They’re making breakfast, not talking much as they’re both too occupied with cutting vegetables and frying omelettes without accidentally burning them.  
They successfully finish making breakfast, sitting in the dining table and quietly eating. Again, not much talking as they’re too busy eating. 

“School is starting soon.” Taeyong says suddenly, looking down at his plate and playing with the food that is left on it. Silence. Doyoung doesn’t respond. Maybe he didn’t hear what Taeyong said just now. Taeyong continues, “Seniors, huh? Life’s moving too fast and to be honest I’m kinda scared...are you?” He asks in a curious tone.

Doyoung sighs. “No, not really...I just want to be over with high school and move on to college. It’s way more important anyways.” Doyoung says, annoyance can be heard in his voice. 

“O-oh yeah right, Gong Myung is in college right?” Taeyong says, forcing out a fake laugh. 

Doyoung nods. “Yes, he is. He’s graduating soon.” He says in a low voice, trying to focus on his food. It’s not like he’s trying to sound mean but the thoughts constantly running through his mind won’t leave him alone. 

He’s trying to keep this act up to savor this...thing he has with Taeyong but his mind just won’t let him. 

He’s just naturally backing off of Taeyong, like he’s distancing himself from him unintentionally, he doesn’t want to distance himself from the latter but his brain just reacts that way. The cold, dry responses, the long silences, his inability to listen carefully to whatever Taeyong is saying because his brain automatically shuts off as soon as Taeyong starts talking. 

It’s weird. It’s like his body has realized something Doyoung himself hasn’t realized yet, like it’s trying to protect him from any harm. 

But Doyoung doesn’t give up, he won’t give up on Taeyong. Ever. He wants to be next to him, to be around him, to be with him and he’ll do anything it takes to fulfill that need.

“Give me your plate, Doyoung. I’ll wash the dishes, is that alright?” Taeyong says in a demanding voice, yet still asking for permission to wash the dishes.

This isn’t the first time Taeyong has offered to wash the dishes, he just likes cleaning. It calms him down and relieves his stress. 

“Ah, yes sure I mean if you want to, go ahead. I’ll clean the table or something.” Doyoung says, clearing his throat and getting up from the chair. 

“No need to, i’ll do that too just go watch TV or something, i’ll join soon.” Taeyong says in a soft, low voice, grinning at Doyoung who is surprised by Taeyong’s motivation to clean all of a sudden.

Doyoung plops into the couch, the tv is turned on, there’s nothing interesting to watch and doyoung sinks in deep thoughts, thinking of how ideal Taeyong is. 

How he’s willing to clean the dishes in his house, telling him to go and relax while he’s willingly cleaning the kitchen and dining area. He blushes at the thought of how it would be like if they were to live together, waking up every morning to Taeyong’s beautiful face on his chest, making breakfast together and even cleaning their own mess together. 

How idealistic, he thought to himself. If life could be this simple. If things were less complicated. If Doyoung wouldn’t have felt that heavy weight in his chest that is making it hard to breath with each day that passes. 

He wishes Taeyong was his, with no conditionals, no rules to depict the meaning of the relationship he wants to have with Taeyong, no complexes and no pain. No hurting and crying at 2 in the morning over how painful it is to love Taeyong. He wishes things weren’t that way, he wishes for a simple life he could live with Taeyong, but that’s impossible.

He snaps out of it when he feels the warmth of another person right beside him, making his skin feel like it’s being burned alive even though it’s just a simple, small touch. He wishes Taeyong would stop making him feel that way, making him hold back. 

Taeyong puts his head on Doyoung’s shoulder, giving no meaning to it and Doyoung swears he might just burn himself alive right now, the inevitable heat coming to his cheeks is undeniable and his skin feels hot, his heart pounding and he’s almost sure Taeyong can hear his heartbeats all the way from there. 

How can Taeyong just do this to him? How can he be so natural about it? Doyoung thinks to himself. He wants Taeyong to stop it, to back away and stop leaning on his shoulder because he’s blushing so hard and his heart is beating so loud he might just cry. But he also wants Taeyong’s affection, he wants Taeyong to depend on him, to lean on him and make him feel like he’s the only man in the world.

And so Doyoung doesn’t say a word. Trying to calm himself down by inhaling deeply and exhaling, putting his hand on Taeyong’s shoulder, although he’s nervous, he thinks it’s the right thing to do. To return Taeyong some affection, if that was even Taeyong’s intention to begin with. He doesn’t know, but he carefully puts his hand on Taeyong’s shoulder, trying not to make any sharp movements that could ruin the moment.

He slowly calms down, pretending to watch whatever is on the TV yet the only thing he could think of right now is how Taeyong’s hair smells and how close he is to him, head on his shoulder, silently watching TV and looking like a god, as always.

Taken by surprise, Doyoung feels warm lips on his neck. He shudders, a chill going up his spine. He feels the little pinch in his heart, like he always does, but this time it’s more intense and powerful. 

He opens his eyes wide, not believing what’s happening, blush staining his cheeks again and this time he thinks he might pass out. 

Did Taeyong just kiss him on the neck? Is he still kissing him? Why? Why now? How? Why is this happening? What’s the reason for that? The questions are running in Doyoung’s mind repeatedly but he’s frozen, unable to move. Dumbstruck by the situation. 

Without even registering what he’s doing he puts a hand on Taeyong’s hip, hinting him to do more. Taeyong gets the hint and is now straddling Doyoung’s lap, he gets on top of him and puts his hand around Doyoung’s neck, placing it on the back of his neck. Taeyong peppers kisses all over Doyoung’s neck and Doyoung tilts his head back, giving Taeyong more access as he grabs Taeyong’s soft hair in one hand and places his other hand on his hip. 

The atmosphere is hot, he can’t deny it and neither can Taeyong. They don’t even know how they got into this situation but here they are, Taeyong straddling Doyoung’s lap: kissing, biting and nibbling at Doyoung’s neck. It feels nice, it feels good. Too good to be true, Doyoung thinks to himself.

Taeyong bites on his ear and Doyoung swears he’s on the verge of flipping them around and have his way with Taeyong but he stops himself, he doesn’t know what this whole thing means, he doesn’t want to ruin it. 

Instead he pulls on Taeyong’s hair hinting him to look at him, Taeyong does, they look at each other.  
Taeyong’s lips are slightly swollen and Doyoung’s neck feels all tingly. They don’t talk, just stare at each other. Silence. But it’s not an awkward one. Doyoung reaches out to Taeyong’s face, his eyes on Taeyong’s beautiful, pink, swollen lips. Doyoung leans in, almost feeling Taeyong’s lips on his...but Taeyong backs away. 

He gets off of Doyoung without saying anything. Returning to his spot on the couch and doesn’t even spare a glance at poor Doyoung who could hear his heart shattering in his chest. 

Doyoung’s eyes sting, tears threatening to spill from his eyes and he can feel a lump in his throat, he wants to cry. He wants to cry so bad. 

Why must Taeyong break him every time? Why must Taeyong make him miserable and powerless next to him? Why must Taeyong hurt him to the point he wants to crawl into his bed and never come out of there? Why is Taeyong so bad yet so perfect for him? He doesn’t know.


	3. First Quarter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so just a heads up! The story is set in Korea but the ages mentioned are *international* (meaning if a character is 17 it means that character really is 17 and not 16 or less)
> 
> I hope you enjoy this and comments and constructive criticism are always welcomed! :)

It’s been exactly a week since it happened, exactly a week since Taeyong was on top of Doyoung, devouring his neck and giving him false hopes, as always - sending mixed signals because as soon as Doyoung reached out to Taeyong, ready to kiss him and close the huge emotional gap between them, Taeyong backed away, breaking Doyoung’s heart a little more. 

Is Doyoung starting to realize that maybe he can’t keep this act up? 

He can’t ignore the fact that Taeyong doesn’t want him, that Taeyong just wants someone to lean on and Doyoung is by chance always there for him, always next to Taeyong when he needs that someone. 

Doyoung doesn’t want to do this anymore, he can’t do this anymore.  
He’s so tired from this emotionally draining experience Taeyong makes him go through every damn time. It’s like he loses all his mental strength whenever Taeyong is involved.

Doyoung is known to be a persistent guy. He knows what he wants and how he wants it but, it’s different when it comes to Taeyong. It’s like he turns into this spineless fool who knows nothing and the only thing running through his mind is “Taeyong, Taeyong, Taeyong.” Only Taeyong. 

How do you forget someone so quickly? How can you just leave all your shared memories with that someone behind? How can you bring yourself into believing you don’t have feelings for that person anymore? 

Doyoung doesn’t know. He doesn’t want to know, but he has to - he just can’t let himself be dragged into another storm of broken feelings, of pain and hurt. 

He’s starting to realize that being with Taeyong is toxic, that Taeyong is toxic. Doyoung loves Taeyong, it hurts him to to know that the person he wants to be with the most, hurts him the most. He has to forget him, for the sake of his own well being, for the sake of not feeling unwanted and broken from the inside.

And so Doyoung shuts himself off completely, putting his feelings aside, slowly forgetting all the sweet memories he and Taeyong had shared,leaving them all in the past.  
And that’s how he spends the rest of his summer break, doing school assignments and forgetting Taeyong. 

No more stupid distractions like friends, parties, late night ‘adventures’ and no more love, no more Taeyong. 

Time has passed by and It’s already the first day of school, first day of Taeyong being a senior, first day of his last year in high school, ever.

It feels strange, thinking of how many memories he’s created in the span of a few years. Making new friends, discovering new hobbies and interests and studying hard for exams he was so stressed about to the point he considered the possibility of dropping out and running away from everything. 

 

Those moments are starting to fade away from his memory, leaving him with vivid pictures that run in his head from time to time when he’s reminded of those good times. His memory has always been bad, he’s forgetful and memories slip out of his head just like that, it’s how he’s always been.

But there’s only one thing Taeyong can’t forget, can’t get out of his head - Doyoung.  
The latter hasn’t spoken to him ever since that day in Doyoung’s house where Taeyong jumped on him and latched onto Doyoung’s neck, passionately kissing it, sucking and biting on it without even thinking of the consequences to come after.

Taeyong can’t even explain the reason to why he did that, why he suddenly decided that getting on top of Doyoung and kissing the life out of his neck was a good idea. It wasn’t.

It’s been 3 weeks since that happened and the amount of times Taeyong had tried to contact Doyoung is not countable at this point. 

He tried, he really did. For the past 3 weeks Taeyong was restless, sending Doyoung at least 30 messages a day and calling 20 times a day in average but with no success, it’s like Doyoung completely erased him from his memory, like he no longer exists in Doyoung’s eyes. 

He even contacted Gong Myung, asked about Doyoung but Gong Myung was no help either, acting as if he doesn’t know Taeyong. 

At some point, Taeyong stopped, accepted the fact that Doyoung just doesn’t want anything to do with him. It hurt, it still does. Losing not only someone who he is in love with but also a friend. 

Yes, he and Doyoung have always had that mysterious tension between them but above all, they were friends who were there for each other when one needed the other.

It’s lonely, not being able to talk to someone and share all your thoughts or  
problems with them. Taeyong has other friends but with Doyoung it’s different.

He listens to Taeyong carefully, even if it’s the dumbest thing in the world, Doyoung listens, making him feel welcomed and wanted, letting him know he’s never alone but now, he’s not here. 

Now, he’s not here to assure Taeyong that everything is going to be alright, to make sure Taeyong is never alone and that he’s always here by Taeyong’s side to support him and give him the comfort he needs.

And it hurts, it hurts like a bitch and Taeyong just wants to vanish, his heart hurts. It feels so lonely and cold, not being able to be next to the person you love and appreciate. It hurts knowing that same person doesn’t want to have anything to do with him, it makes Taeyong look back at all the times he’s hurt Doyoung.

He’s aware of all the times he’s hurt Doyoung, he’s hurt him more than once and he regrets being so reckless and stupid. He’s always regretted those times but now, the regret and guilt is eating him up from the inside, making him overthink and stress over every little thing that he does.

Taeyong cried for days - not getting out of his house, barely eating, drinking or sleeping. That’s how he spent the rest of his summer. Crying over Doyoung, thinking what he should’ve done in all those times he deeply hurt Doyoung, making him break a little more. 

But Doyoung has had enough, he hasn’t contacted Taeyong for the rest of the summer and now it’s september 1st. 

Summer break has come to an end and a new school year is starting, off to a fresh start, maybe.

Taeyong just hopes he can talk to Doyoung, hopes he can somehow run into him in the school hallways, in hopes Doyoung won’t completely ignore him and move on like he didn’t even hear anyone talking in his direction.

He washes all those thoughts away when he catches a glimpse of the time shown on his watch, it’s already 7:45am and he needs to be in school at 8:00am.

Taeyong grabs his stuff, hurriedly shoving his notebooks and lunchbox inside his bag.  
It takes him awhile to close the small bag which is stuffed with(most probably) unnecessary things like a book he’s never even read from the moment he bought it which was 3 years ago or a small box that contains slime that Taeyong hasn’t touched ever since summer break began or a notebook full of cute stickers of his favorite artist ‘BoA’ who he’s loved ever since he was a child.

But Taeyong is nervous and he thought taking a few things like slime, a seemingly good book he’s never read and a notebook full of stickers would help him calm down a bit.

It’s understandable, being nervous for the first day of school - especially as a senior. It’s going to be his last first day of a school year and that’s kinda scary for him to think about. 

In all honesty, Taeyong doesn’t want to grow up, he wants to stay young and free of the life responsibilities that come along with adulthood. He just wants to live a simple life without stressing too much and having to get your own shit together with no one else getting involved and fixing things up. It’s not like Taeyong wasn’t independent, he was and most of the time his parents weren’t even home because of work so it was only him and his older sister - managing to pull off improvised meals and slowly learning how to take care of the house. 

Taeyong is independent, he had no other choice but to learn how to depend on himself but sometimes, he’d stress so much to the point he couldn’t function properly and needed someone to depend on - emotionally and physically.  
And of course all roads eventually lead to Doyoung. Doyoung was the one who was there for Taeyong when he needed it the most, Taeyong was grateful but never knew how to express it.

You could say Taeyong has always struggled to express his emotions right, he doesn’t do well with emotions - only because he has so many inside of him. It’s not like it was a bad thing because sometimes the blank, cold expression that was showing on his face masked the embarrassment or excitement Taeyong was actually feeling inside but sometimes, it was frustrating; not being able to express your emotions and feelings to the fullest - Taeyong never knew what to say or do in order to thank Doyoung for everything he has done for him, for all the times he was there for him when he needed it the most - a simple thanks was not enough and so Taeyong never said nor did anything, just accepted Doyoung’s kindness and care.

“And that is where I fucked up the most.” Taeyong thinks to himself while walking to school, a bag in one hand and a phone in the other, his earphones plugged to the black device he’s holding, shuffling through playlists of his favorite songs until he finds a good song to start the morning off. 

“Atlas - Where Am I Going?” 

He sinks into deep thoughts while the song is playing, echoing in his ears.  
What is he going to do when he sees Doyoung? Will he say anything? Will Doyoung say anything? Or do anything? Is he even supposed to do something? To say anything? Or has this whole thing gone to waste? 

Taeyong wants them to talk, he really does but he knows that even if they do get the chance to talk - it’s going to hurt, it’s going to hurt him from the inside knowing Doyoung doesn’t even want to see his face, not interested in talking to him. 

“Maybe it’s better to just let it go, forget everything, every miniscule detail and memory.” Taeyong thinks to himself, ignoring the stinging feeling in his heart, it hurts even thinking about such thing, he doesn’t want to forget Doyoung.

Breathing in the slightly cold morning air and getting closer and closer to school, Taeyong takes his earphones out knowing he might bump into one of his friends on the way. 

He was right. “Taeyong!” A deep yet soft voice calling out to him from behind, he already knows who it is, Taeyong is smiling to himself, not turning around and waiting for the boy to catch up to Taeyong. 

“Taeyong! I called out to you! Did you not hear me? I literally shouted.” The boy says, finally catching up to Taeyong and breathing heavily as a result of running and trying to catch up to Taeyong who walks quite fast.  
Taeyong giggles, “I did Jaehyun. I did I’m just too tired to do anything and I have no idea how I’m even talking to you because I really am so tir-” He’s cut off by Jaehyun who is now lifting him off the ground, hugging him so tightly and affectionately.  
“Ahhh shut up, it’s too early for that. I missed you! We haven’t seen each other in so long.” Jaehyun says, still holding Taeyong who’s above him, Taeyong looks down at him, a frightened expression on his face. 

“First of all, put me down. Second of all, When did you get so strong? Third of all, I missed you too but if you don’t put me down right now i’ll smack you. Lovingly.” Jaehyun laughs, putting Taeyong down and a big smile appearing on his face - his beautiful dimples which Taeyong likes touching so much are showing, his eyes crinkled and his cute nose is kind of scrunched.

“Okay, okay sorry I was just excited to see you. How have you been?” Jaehyun asks, still smiling. 

“Hm, I’ve been well...you know, the usual.” Taeyong says, looking at the ground and scratching the back of his neck - it’s kind of awkward. 

He can’t tell Jaehyun that he spent half of his summer break crying over Doyoung, reminiscing sweet memories that he’s been trying to forget, painfully crawling in his bed all night long because he couldn’t stop thinking of the fact he’s the one who fucked it all up simply because he’s a coward, because he was scared of facing rejection and instead made him and Doyoung fall apart.

“What about you? How have you been? Did you do something interesting this summer?” Taeyong asks, raising his head and looking at Jaehyun who is now walking a bit faster than before because they’re going to be late if they don’t speed up now. 

“Huh? Wait. What do you mean the usual? You didn’t do anything interesting? Didn’t you celebrate your birthday too? On July right? How did you celebrate it?” Jaehyun asks in a curious tone.

“Ah, my birthday yeah, I turned 18 and went with…” Taeyong can’t bring himself to say Doyoung’s name, he knows that if he mentions Doyoung, Jaehyun will start questioning him. Taeyong is aware of the fact that Jaehyun dislikes Doyoung. He’s always disliked him for some reason, but Taeyong never had the courage to bring it up and ask Jaehyun the reason as to why he dislikes Doyoung so much.  
“With...a friend. To a restaurant, I even bought myself some wine but it was so gross and bitter...I couldn’t drink it.” Taeyong says, looking down at the ground as he walks, hands inside his pockets.

“But what about you? You haven’t told me how Japan was, did you have fun?” Taeyong asks, trying to change the topic so he won’t have to tell Jaehyun who he celebrated his birthday with.

“Oh, Japan was okay, it wasn’t as exciting as everyone describes it to be...plus I went there because of my dad’s business trip so I didn’t really get the chance to do anything special y’know.” Jaehyun says, sounding slightly annoyed, sounds like he didn’t really have fun there.

Without even noticing, they were already standing in front of the school gate.  
A wave of excitement washing over Taeyong as he enters the school building, waving goodbye to Jaehyun who is now going to the other side of the building. Taeyong pulls out a crumbled paper which has all the information about the whereabouts of his classes. 

Absentmindedly, he starts biting his nails, it’s a habit of stress. Taeyong bites his nails whenever he’s nervous or excited, he knows it’s a bad habit but he can’t control it. He goes through the list of classes in his hand:  
“Japanese Literature...hm...third floor...Mrs. Yoon.” Taeyong mutters to himself while walking through the crowded school hallways, trying to maintain a steady pace as he’s walking towards the stairwell but being constantly disrupted by nervous freshmen who are rushing to their classes and bumping into Taeyong.

He shakes his head in annoyance but keeps walking - he doesn’t want to be late for his first class of the day.

 

He’s about to go into the classroom, he’s kind of scared. All type of thoughts running through his head right now. 

What if he and Doyoung are in the same class? What if he somehow ends up sitting next to Doyoung if he happens to be in his class? What if Doyoung will somehow be assigned to help Taeyong like he was assigned to do last year?

All those thoughts are cut off by the bell, ringing loudly in Taeyong’s ears and making him jump in his place. He enters the classroom, looking down at the floor in fear of facing the one person he doesn’t want to face. His eyes are glued to the floor as he’s searching for an empty seat, kind of struggling to find one with his hair covering his eyes and his heart pounding so hard in his chest he can hear his own heartbeats. 

He picks a random seat, hoping it’s empty. Fortunately, it is and Taeyong sighs quietly in relief. He sits, lowering his head and searching with his eyes for that certain someone he doesn’t want to bump into. It seems like Doyoung isn’t in this class and so Taeyong straightens up, running a hand through his hair and pushing it back. 

He can feel a pair of eyes staring at him, he turns his head to the left - an unfamiliar face. “He’s pretty.” Taeyong thinks to himself as he sneaks a glance at the boy who is now no longer staring at him.

The teacher enters the class and thus the lesson begins, the teacher introduces herself, writing her email on the board in case someone needs to contact her about whatever it is that is related to her classes.

“Kim Jungwoo, please stand up.” The boy who stared at Taeyong before the class started is now standing. “Please introduce yourself to the class.” Jungwoo nods.

“Hello, my name is Kim Jungwoo, I’m 17 and I moved out from Gimpo to come to this school. I’ll be in your care, thank you.” Jungwoo says, bowing and a brief moment later going back to his seat. 

“Thank you Jungwoo, now-”

Mrs. Yoon is interrupted by the sound of a door aggressively being opened. A tall figure enters the classroom, panting and breathing heavily.  
“Sorry I’m late, it’s just that I fell on the way here and I know that’s irresponsible from me but I’ll make it up fo-”  
Mrs. Yoon puts her hand up, silencing the black haired boy who’s standing at the door, asking him to sit down. 

“What’s your name?” Mrs. Yoon asks the the boy who’s now looking for a seat.  
“Doyoung. Kim Doyoung.” The boy answers, still panting.

“Okay Doyoung, you can sit next to Jungwoo.” She says, pointing at the empty seat next to Jungwoo. Doyoung nods, walking towards the seat.

Taeyong feels a wave of nausea coming, he feels his stomach turning, anxiety taking over him and his heart starts pounding, heavy and loud - the heavy heartbeats ringing in his ears and his mind has gone blank. He wants to cry right now.

He was really hoping not to see Doyoung. Yes, he may have thought about the idea of trying to talk to him and solve things out but he can’t actually do it. Theoretically, he thought it’s possible but now, after seeing Doyoung there’s no way in hell he’s approaching him. Not right now at least.

Taeyong lowers his head, hoping his hair is hiding his eyes and the anxious expression on his face. Doyoung walks past him, a wave of familiar scent going up to Taeyong’s nose, he might actually cry right now. He missed that familiar, fresh scent that Doyoung have always had, of clean clothes that had just come out of the washing machine. 

Taeyong wants to cry, he wants to cry so bad. He’s on the verge of getting out of the classroom and run to the bathroom - to cry his eyes out until he feels numb. 

But he holds himself back, not wanting to embarrass himself on the first day of school. He takes deep breaths, inhaling and exhaling as quietly as he can, unable to listen to the teacher or whoever is speaking. He has to calm himself down or else he really will burst out in tears right there and then.

The lesson passes by, very slowly and Taeyong is still unable to listen, it’s not like he doesn’t want to listen, he’s just not in the right mind at the moment to focus on class and listen to the teacher. 

Class eventually ends, Taeyong waits for the classroom to empty out so he can be the last one to come out of it, he doesn’t want to accidentally run into Doyoung, he’s scared of running into him.

He waits, laying his head on the desk while waiting for all the students to come out. Taeyong can barely hear any noises or conversations anymore, assuming all students have left the class already. He’s about to lift his head up until he hears Mrs. Yoon calling out to Doyoung and Jungwoo. Taeyong freezes, not moving and not making any sound.

“Doyoung, as a punishment for being late you will show Jungwoo around the school, make sure he doesn’t get lost and help him with essential things if he asks you to. Is that clear?” Mrs. Yoon says, sounding kind of scary.

“Yes, Mrs. Yoon. He’ll be in my care from now on.” Doyoung says, accepting his so called punishment. Doyoung doesn’t really mind helping a new student out, he’s not rushing anywhere and he loves helping people out, it’s how he’s always been. 

Taeyong hears footsteps and voices slowly fading away, he supposes now is the right time to raise his head up, and so he does.

And in front of him is Doyoung, staring down at him with a blank expression on his face. Taeyong jumps, surprised and shocked at the fact Doyoung is actually standing in front of him. 

“We need to talk. Today after school. Meet me at the usual spot.” Doyoung says in a serious tone and turns around, leaving Taeyong speechless. 

Taeyong’s heart is beating fast, so many thoughts running through his mind right now. 

What just happened? Why did it happen? Doesn’t Doyoung hate him? Doesn’t he want nothing to do with him? Is he going to ask him o apologize? Should he even go?

The thoughts occupy Taeyong’s mind for the rest of the day, never once leaving his head, making him restless and impatient. 

The school day finally ends and Taeyong is starting to get even more nervous, but he packs his bag and leaves the classroom, getting out of the school building and heading towards his and Doyoung’s usual spot. 

A part of him is hoping Doyoung is there, waiting for him, that part of him that eagerly wants to talk to Doyoung, especially now when Doyoung is the one who approached him, he needs to be next to Doyoung. He misses him.

He finally reaches their usual spot, a small, abandoned playground in the middle of nowhere. Two swings and one slide. Doyoung and Taeyong used to swing on those swings and have long conversations about the meaning of life, whether water is wet or not and which is better: a dog or a cat.

A smile appearing on Taeyong’s face when he sees the swings, memories of him and Doyoung arguing about stupid things in the middle of the night coming to mind. He wants to go back to those times, relive those moments.

“Taeyong” a voice he recognizes too well is calling out to him from behind, snapping him out of his thoughts. Taeyong turns around, his heart is beating again, he feels dizzy, his mind is blank. His eyes meet Doyoung’s, he feels like throwing up from the nervousness building up in him right now.

“We need to make this quick, I still have to do some stuff so...let’s talk.” Doyoung says sounding impatient and cold.

Why does it sound like Taeyong was the one who asked Doyoung to talk to him when in fact Doyoung was the one who approached him and asked to talk? Why does it sound like Doyoung is doing Taeyong a favor by taking some of his precious time to talk to him?

Taeyong doesn’t say anything though, sitting on one of the swings and waiting for Doyoung to join him. Doyoung doesn’t join him.

“Not there. Let’s sit on this bench instead.” Taeyong is speechless, his eyes are stinging, a few tears might just fall if he blinks now. 

Taeyong swears he could feel his heart being crushed by Doyoung’s simple yet hurtful words. He doesn’t want to sit in their usual spot and talk like they used to.  
Taeyong knows. He knows it’s going to be a hard conversation.

Doyoung sits on the bench, motioning Taeyong to come and sit on the bench as well. Taeyong walks towards the bench, his legs are shaking and his heart is thumping hard in his chest. He sits, not sparing Doyoung a glance.

Doyoung inhales, taking a deep breath as if he’s going to talk out whatever is on his mind. 

“Okay i’ll be really quick because I have to go back to school and go help Jungwoo out.” 

Taeyong’s heart stings a little upon hearing the name Jungwoo, the pretty boy he saw today in class. he feels something in the pit of his stomach, like a burning feeling at the thought of Doyoung being involved with such a pretty boy. 

It’s jealousy, he knows it is but tries to ignore the burning sensation flaring up in the pit of his stomach, trying to listen carefully to what Doyoung has to say.

“I think we should stop...talking to each other, I think it’ll do good to the both of us and you kn-” Doyoung is cut off by Taeyong who’s trying so hard not to cry, voice shaky and low. 

“Aren’t we doing that already, Doyoung? We haven’t talked since the day in your house-” tears welling up in Taeyong’s eyes, the lump in his throat practically choking him up but he tries his best to speak. 

“Weren’t you the one who kicked me out of your house after that happened? I-I tried contacting you, for so long.” He sniffles. “I even called Gong Myung but he pretended like he doesn’t know me. You didn’t answer any of my calls or texts, I didn’t know what else to do so I just let it go at some point. But it hur-” 

Doyoung stands up. Again, a blank expression on his face. Nothing. No emotion.

“Stop crying. I just think it’s for the best, I don’t have enough time to invest in friendships and such at the moment, I want to finish this hell of a year already and leave for college as soon as possible and I will not let things like this distract me.” 

Taeyong’s heart shatters upon hearing Doyoung addressing him and their entire friendship as “this” making it all sound worthless. Like it’s never even been important to Doyoung. 

“I have to go back to school, Jungwoo is waiting for me. Goodbye Taeyong.”

Taeyong just stays there, Doyoung’s words echoing inside his head, his face buried in his hands, he’s crying without holding back now. It hurts, it hurts so much and it feels like a weight has just landed on his chest, crushing him and his heart.

It’s all falling apart in front of Taeyong’s eyes, his friendship with Doyoung, all the times where they had laughed together, cried together and comforted each other - it’s all gone now. 

Doyoung walked away and Taeyong was left alone with the pain and sadness taking over him, consuming him and breaking him from the inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also! I'm sorry if it seems like I made Taeyong to be too fragile or emotional but this is just my personal characterization and if you don't like it then that's okay too! As always, thank you for reading! <3


	4. Waxing Gibbous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,,,! I'm back with a new chapter and i'd just like to say that if you haven't noticed yet the chapters are named after the moon phases partly because this fic is loosely based on Dean's 'D(half moon)' and because I'm obsessed with the moon if you haven't noticed yet anyways ye that's it lol I hope you enjoy reading!

“I have to go back to school, Jungwoo is waiting for me. Goodbye Taeyong.”  
Doyoung spits out the harsh words, trying his hardest not to break down in tears upon seeing Taeyong crying in front of him, because of him.

He didn’t want to do this, he never wanted to see Taeyong cry and fall apart in front of him like this - he never wanted to be the reason to Taeyong’s pain and agony but unfortunately, he is. 

Doyoung never intended on sounding so harsh and cold but the words just came out like that, he had promised himself before coming to their usual spot to not break down in front of Taeyong and give in to him. 

Doyoung had distanced himself from Taeyong for the rest of the summer break and it bothered him so badly to the point he even considered contacting Taeyong and talk it out with him so they could go back to their usual selves. But a part of him didn’t allow him to, couldn’t let him be swayed into Taeyong’s painful game again. 

He’s already decided that staying away from Taeyong is the only way he’ll be able to get over these feelings he still holds for him. Taeyong is bad for him, he only keeps hurting him and Doyoung can’t cope with the pain that comes along with being next to him, and so shutting himself completely seemed to be the right solution.

Doyoung turns around, leaving a heartbroken, crying Taeyong behind him.  
He tries swallowing the lump in his throat, trying to ignore the tears forming in his eyes. He can’t deny it, can’t deny the fact he still has feelings for Taeyong - even after not talking to him for nearly a month, even after not seeing his beautiful face for such a long time, he still feels something for him and it’s stronger than before. He longs for Taeyong, but he can’t let himself get hurt again.

And so he walks away, leaving all those memories behind, ending it all, putting an end to their friendship and so called ‘relationship’. He promises himself to no longer come to this abandoned playground, ever again.

Doyoung heads towards the school, his heart tightening at the thought of Taeyong being left alone, crying and hurting because of him but he snaps out of it, forcing himself to focus on other things, anything but Taeyong.

He finally reaches the school building, searching with his eyes for Jungwoo. 

“Doyoung?” A soft, gentle voice quietly calls out to him. Doyoung turns around, only to find Jungwoo behind him, smiling innocently and standing shyly.

“Oh! Jungwoo, did you wait for a long time? Sorry to have kept you waiting I had to take care of something.” He says and laughs awkwardly. 

“Don’t worry about it, really it’s all good.” Jungwoo says, a huge smile spreading across his face. Doyoung thinks it’s cute, Jungwoo seems like a good kid, honest and innocent. Perhaps the complete opposite of Taeyong.

“Okay, so I’m supposed to show you around the school right? Let’s go?” Doyoung says enthusiastically, forcing out a small smile to soften the atmosphere a bit.

Jungwoo nods, following Doyoung who is now heading to the library.  
Doyoung shows Jungwoo around the school, making sure he doesn’t miss a thing.

“What haven’t I showed you yet? Hmm..” Doyoung mutters, placing a finger on his lips as he thinks of places he hasn’t shown Jungwoo yet. 

Doyoung’s face brightens up, a satisfied smile forming on his face. “Oh! There’s one place I haven’t showed you yet! Come with me.” Doyoung says excitedly, almost grabbing Jungwoo by the hand from being overly excited. 

They go up the stairwells, already starting to pant from climbing too many stairs.  
“Okay so I’m not really supposed to take you here but...I’ve got a key and I think showing you this at least once is worth taking the risk” Doyoung says, still panting and a small smile appearing on his face upon seeing Jungwoo’s eyes glimmering with excitement.

At last, they reach the final floor; they’re standing in front of a locked door, Doyoung is searching for the keys in his pockets, after a few seconds of searching he finds them, unlocking the door carefully and quietly, making sure not to make any loud noises. 

The warm September wind washing over them as they enter the place. 

“Okay so as you’ve probably figured out this is the school’s rooftop, I come here pretty often to think and contemplate on some things.” Doyoung says, inhaling the warm air that is surrounding him and Jungwoo.

“How do you have access to the rooftop then? I mean, not that it’s a bad thing, just curious.” Jungwoo asks, sounding so innocent and pure.

Doyoung sits down on the floor, motioning Jungwoo to join him and sit as well, he’s leaning on his hands, taking in the beautiful sight of the blue sky above them. He takes a deep breath before speaking.

“Well, I have an older brother. He graduated a few years ago and gave me the key, he had access to the rooftop back then since he was the president of the student council and after he graduated he just kinda...gave it to me, nothing special.” Doyoung says, turning his head to look at Jungwoo, they make eye contact. “He’s pretty. Soft and gentle facial features.” Doyoung thinks to himself, mindlessly staring at Jungwoo and examining his face.

Jungwoo smiles again, breaking eye contact and looking up at the sky, leaning on his hands now too. 

“Thank you, for taking me here. It’s really beautiful...I...I was really nervous about this whole thing, the school tour and first day of school in general but, I feel so much calmer now. So thank you, really.” Jungwoo says, sounding so genuine and grateful.

“It’s no problem, I don’t mind helping people and I don’t even see this as a punishment.” Doyoung says, turning his head to look at Jungwoo again. 

Jungwoo radiates happiness, joy, purity and innocence. It’s like he makes the world seem like a better place, like his existence and aura assure you that everything is going to be alright eventually. 

Doyoung likes it, The purity in Jungwoo’s eyes and his genuine, honest smile, his ability to fully express himself without being afraid to show new sides of him.

“Doyoung?” Doyoung snaps out of those thoughts upon hearing Jungwoo’s voice calling out to him. “Have you ever taken someone else here? To the school’s rooftop?” Jungwoo asks shyly.

Doyoung feels a little pinch in his heart, a wave of sadness washing over him.  
“Yes, once...with a friend of mine but we’re not...in contact anymore.” Doyoung says, feeling his heart breaking a little, reminded of the time he took Taeyong here. 

It was a sunny, bright day and he remembers how Taeyong gently placed his head on Doyoung’s legs and fell asleep, he looked like an angel. It was then when Doyoung realized he had feelings for Taeyong, more than friendly affection.

“Oh I see, were you two good friends? If it’s not too rude to ask.” Jungwoo asks in a curious voice.

“Yeah, we were but...that doesn’t matter anymore so let’s not talk about it again ok?” Doyoung says, inhaling and exhaling, looking up at the sky again.

“Yes, yes sorry I didn’t mean to pry or anything I..uh i’ll shut up now.” Jungwoo says in a shaky voice, feeling embarrassed. 

Doyoung chuckles, Jungwoo is just too cute for his own good, he’s too innocent and pure and Doyoung just can’t get mad at him.

“Don’t worry about it.” He says and smiles at Jungwoo whose face is now red, blush staining his cheeks.

Jungwoo tries changing the topic, wash away the weird tension lingering in the air and opens his mouth to talk.  
“C-can I ask another question then? It won’t be personal this time I promise.” Jungwoo asks, trying to sound calm and reserved. Doyoung nods.

“Who was that boy in today’s Japanese Literature class? The one who didn’t lift his head up for like the rest of the class? I don’t remember his name...something with Lee maybe?” Jungwoo asks, trying to remember every minuscule detail from that class in order to describe the boy to Doyoung.

Doyoung’s heart tightens, he knows Jungwoo is talking about Taeyong. Why is he even talking about him? Why is Taeyong somehow always involved no matter what? Why can’t Doyoung never escape from him? Why must Jungwoo bring up Taeyong again? He wants to get mad at Jungwoo but he can’t. 

Jungwoo isn’t aware that the person he’s talking about is the same person who broke Doyoung down completely, the person who shattered Doyoung’s heart, the person who deeply hurt Doyoung every time without even saying anything after, without even apologizing to Doyoung or thanking him for being there no matter what.

Doyoung opens his mouth to talk, voice barely coming out as he’s still processing everything.  
“Lee Taeyong.” Doyoung says, voice weak and barely heard. He gulps, waiting for Jungwoo to say something.

“Yes, him! He looks kinda intimidating...do you know him?” Jungwoo asks, not even aware of the fact he’s making Doyoung stir up from the inside.

Doyoung turns his head to the side, not wanting to face Jungwoo, he doesn’t want Jungwoo to see the angered yet painful expression on his face. It takes him some time to respond.  
“No. I don’t know him.” Doyoung says, feeling the weight on his chest getting heavier.

“Hm I see, well I just wanted to know because he was staring at me today...before class started and if I’m being honest with you it was...kinda intimidating.”  
Jungwoo chuckles, placing a hand on the side of his neck, looking down to avoid any eye contact with Doyoung.

Doyoung nods, acting as if he’s never even heard of this ‘Lee Taeyong’ and changes the topic. “So shall we go? I think I’ve showed you everything already so...yeah.” He says, forcing out a small smile to make Jungwoo feel less tense.

“Yeah, yeah sure and...thank you so much for today, it was nice to have someone like you to guide me and explain everything thoroughly! So thank you again, it means a lot.” Jungwoo says in a sweet voice, the gratefulness and genuineness in his voice make Doyoung’s heart flutter a bit.

“Anytime, I enjoyed showing you around and if you ever need anything let me know.” Doyoung says, sounding as friendly and welcoming as possible.

“O-oh so...can I have your number? Like, just in case if I ever need to ask you something? About school of course.” Jungwoo giggles nervously, blush staining his cheeks red. 

“Yeah no problem, give me your phone.” Doyoung says.  
Jungwoo pulls out his phone from the back pocket of his jeans, handing it to Doyoung who is already inserting all his details.

“There you go, I texted myself from your phone so I can add your number as well. I’ll add your number when I get back home.” Doyoung says, giving Jungwoo his phone back. A seemingly pure smile forming on Jungwoo’s face as Doyoung hands him his phone back. 

“Thank you, for today. I’ll head home now, make sure you add my number!” Jungwoo says cheekily while exiting the rooftop’s door and leaving Doyoung all by himself. 

Doyoung stays there for a few hours until the sun starts setting, lying down on his back and looking at the beautiful clouds moving slowly and peacefully, for a moment he feels some type of relief; it feels like he’s starting to do things right. Maybe he is.

 

Taeyong is still in his and Doyoung’s usual spot, the crying has stopped but the pain he’s feeling in his heart hasn’t. It’s probably not going to fade away anytime soon.

Taeyong is swinging on one of the swings, staring blankly at the slide in front of him until he hears his phone ringing. It’s Jaehyun.

Taeyong picks it up, trying to sound calm as if he didn’t just cry his heart out.  
“Hello?” Taeyong says in a shaky voice, trying to hold back his tears again.

“Taeyong? What’s up? You sound different...is everything okay?” Jaehyun asks in a concerned voice.

“What? Yes, yes of course I’m fine I…” He can’t hold it back anymore and bursts into tears. The hot, salty tears falling on his beautiful face. He takes a deep breath - trying to calm himself down and talk but the words won’t come out, the lump in his throat still there, choking him.

“Where are you? I’ll come see you. Tell me please. I don’t want you to be alone, Taeyong.” Jaehyun says, his soft voice calming Taeyong down a bit.

“At that abandoned playground we used to play in when we were in elementary school...do you remember?” Taeyong asks, sniffling and looking down at the ground.

“Yeah, yeah I remember. I’ll be there in a few minutes okay? Is that okay?” Jaehyun says in a reassuring tone.

“Yes. I’ll wait.” Taeyong says, hanging up and wiping away the tears so he won’t look like a complete mess when Jaehyun comes.

Jaehyun has always been a good, caring friend who Taeyong values and appreciates a lot.

They met in elementary school, Jaehyun had just came back from America, he lived there and came back to Korea after 4 years. 

Taeyong was assigned to help Jaehyun catch up to the things he had missed back then. They met everyday after school and studied, Taeyong basically tutored Jaehyun and eventually as time passed, a friendship was born. By chance, they ended up in the same middle school and high school as well. 

Jaehyun and Taeyong could stop seeing each other for a whole year and when they finally get to meet each other they’d act as if they never even parted ways. That’s what made their friendship so special, Taeyong values it a lot.

“Taeyong!” He feels a warm hand on his shoulder. A panting and out of breath Jaehyun is now in front of him, a worried expression on his face.

“Ah Jaehyun, you’re here already...I zoned out for so long” Taeyong says, staring at Jaehyun who is now kneeling down on one of his knees, lowering himself to meet Taeyong’s eyes. 

“Taeyong, tell me everything. You know you can. I won’t judge you or say anything or do anything...just tell me what’s wrong, please.” Jaehyun says in a soft, calming voice, both of his hands are now on Taeyong’s shoulders.

“It’s nothing, really. I’m just stressed because of school and you know how I can be sometimes when I’m too stressed and-” tears start rolling down his face as he speaks, he can’t control it, the pain and hurt he’s feeling inside, his body just won’t allow him to keep it inside and so he cries again, in front of Jaehyun this time.

Taeyong just stares at Jaehyun, still crying and unable to talk because he’s so emotionally and physically drained already.

Jaehyun cups Taeyong’s face in his hands, wiping away the tears that are still rolling down Taeyong’s face, even when he’s crying he’s beautiful and Jaehyun just wants to hug him so tight and promise him everything is going to be fine, that he’s going to be fine eventually. Even though Jaehyun doesn’t know the actual reason to Taeyong’s agony and pain, he wants to assure him that he’s there for him, to let him know he always will be.

“You don’t have to tell me right now Yong, it’s okay. I’ll wait until you feel comfortable enough sharing whatever is bothering you, I promise.” Jaehyun stands up, pulling Taeyong into a tight hug, placing one hand in his soft hair, patting his head and the other hand on the lower part of his back. 

Taeyong feels so vulnerable yet so safe in Jaehyun’s arms, he’s always felt safe with Jaehyun as the latter has always made sure Taeyong is comfortable and relaxed. 

Taeyong lets himself be embraced by Jaehyun, allows himself to lean on someone without saying a thing, without explaining. He lets himself be swayed into Jaehyun’s warm and safe embrace, he just wants someone to tell him that it’s going to be fine, that this is just a temporary type of pain, that it’ll pass and will be forgotten at some point because he can’t cope with the huge weight on his chest that gets heavier and heavier with each time he thinks of Doyoung.

And Jaehyun happens to be right there, to help Taeyong recover from this storm of emotions that is happening inside his mind, breaking him from the inside and weakening him. Jaehyun is right there to emotionally support Taeyong and get him back up on his feet again. 

Jaehyun cares for Taeyong, and he won’t let anyone stand in his way of protecting Taeyong.

 

“Come to my house, you can stay over if you want. I’ll take care of you, I promise.” Jaehyun says, breaking the hug but still standing close to Taeyong, their faces only a few inches apart from each other now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanna remind some ppl that this is a slow burn fic meaning: it'll take some time for the two main characters to get together and I hope the current development won't annoy you! As always, I hope you enjoyed reading and comments and constructive criticism are always welcomed.
> 
>  
> 
>  


	5. Full Moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,,i'm back with a new chapter and i'd like to mention the fact that in this chap, i kind of focused on other perspectives rather than only Taeyong's and Doyoung's povs, I just personally think that seeing perspectives of different characters gives a lil bit more to the story :P anyways, as always I hope you enjoy reading this new update!

Taeyong backs away from Jaehyun, his eyes glued to the ground in apprehension when he registers in what situation he was just in. 

Jaehyun was hugging him tight, whispering reassuring words in his ear, promising him everything is going to be alright in spite of not knowing the reason to Taeyong’s sorrow and pain, yet he hugged him tight and calmed him down. 

Taeyong is quite embarrassed, he and Jaehyun have never hugged nor has he seen Jaehyun being this worried about him to the point he ran to the playground just to get to him as soon as possible, it’s weird.

“I...can’t Jaehyun, I’m sorry but I..” Taeyong sniffles, still having a hard time to talk. “I can’t come over.” Taeyong says, trying to sound as neutral as he can. He knows Jaehyun has good intentions, that he cares for him and only wants the best for him but something in Taeyong refuses to go with Jaehyun, his conscience telling him not to go, that it’s not the right thing to do.

“Are you sure? My dad and sister aren’t home w-we can watch a movie or something, or like...cook something, whatever you want to do.” Jaehyun stutters a bit, smiling nervously, trying his best to hide the disappointment in his voice.

“Yeah, yeah I’m sure I just need some...time for myself.” Taeyong says, voice more stable now as he’s calmed down a bit. 

“Hm, then...let me know if you need anything okay?” Jaehyun chews on his inner cheek awkwardly, one of his dimples appearing.

“Oh yes, yes of course I will.” Taeyong says in response, it sounds kind of forced and strained.

Silence lingers in the air for a few moments before Jaehyun speaks again.

“Are you gonna go to Yuta’s party? This friday? Everyone’s invited from what i’ve heard.” Jaehyun asks in a suggestive tone. 

“Oh really? No one mentioned a party so uh..” Taeyong nervously shifts his weight from one foot to the other.

“Well, I’m mentioning one right now and you should come; we can go together if you want to.” Jaehyun says confidently.

“Do you think I should go? I don’t know Jae…”  
“Of course you should! I'll pick you up then? This friday? 9pm?” Jaehyun asks eagerly, his face brightening up at Taeyong’s possibly positive answer.

“I mean yeah...okay I guess.” Taeyong says, a small smile forming on his face upon seeing Jaehyun’s bright and excited expression. 

“Great! So i’ll pick you up this friday yeah? From what I’ve heard his house is only a few blocks from yours so we can go by foot...together.” Jaehyun says, the excitement in his voice can still be heard, his dimples are on full display now.

Taeyong only nods, too exhausted to evince any type of emotion at the moment.

“If you can’t come over to my house can I at least treat you to something sweet?” Jaehyun asks, he’s never seen Taeyong in this state, tired and exhausted, his eyes puffy and nose red from crying so much. 

Jaehyun had always seen Taeyong as the strong, unyielding and unfaltering type of person, the type to be there for someone whenever he’s having a hard time, the type to never break down and now, seeing him falling apart in his arms makes Jaehyun’s heart hurt, he feels compassion and tenderness towards Taeyong, he wants to take care of him.

It’s no secret that Jaehyun likes Taeyong, he’s always liked him. 

It started out with Jaehyun feeling grateful to have someone like Taeyong, mature and kind that is always there to listen to him but it later turned out to be a little more than feelings of gratefulness and friendly affection. He doesn’t exactly remember when was the moment he realized his feelings towards Taeyong were more than just ‘I’m happy to have you by my side, let’s stay friends forever’ and turned into ‘I want you to stay forever by my side, let’s be more than friends’ but at some point it just happened.

Jaehyun had tried to shoot his shot more than once, he let go of his pride and went for it but something was always in his way, to be precise: someone. And that someone was Kim Doyoung. Somehow, Doyoung was always involved with Taeyong, no matter what. 

That one time when Jaehyun had decided to ask Taeyong out after thinking about it for weeks, just so they could get closer and for Jaehyun to spend more time with Taeyong after not seeing him for a long time but Taeyong declined and said he already had something planned with Doyoung. Jaehyun felt neglected however, overlooked it.

Yet, Jaehyun was stubborn - he didn’t want to give up on Taeyong and on the possibility of them (maybe) getting together and so he kept trying - but if Taeyong wouldn’t decline then he’d ask if Doyoung could join and of course, Jaehyun would say no because he only wanted Taeyong, and Taeyong only - without Doyoung in the way. That’s when Jaehyun realized he dislikes Doyoung.

“Something sweet? Like what?” Taeyong asks, the word ‘sweet’ has piqued his interest.  
“Ice cream? Does that work?” Jaehyun asks in a high pitched voice, as if talking to a baby.  
“Mhm, ice cream is good.” Taeyong nods cutely, agreeing to the idea of having ice cream after this shit of a day.

 

 

The week passes by pretty quickly, it’s already Friday and the school day has just ended. 

 

Taeyong is walking out of school talking to his newly made friend: Yukhei.  
Taeyong had befriended the latter in a quite embarrassing yet cute way:  
They first met at the school’s cafeteria, Taeyong was standing in line, eyeing the last chocolate pudding that was left on the tray, he had to wait in line to reach to the desired pudding he was craving for and so he did - he patiently waited in line, praying no one would take it because he needed his daily dose of sugar and that chocolate pudding was indeed what he needed to satisfy his sweet tooth.  
The line started moving faster and Taeyong was finally getting closer to the target, his eyes not leaving the pudding but at the same time making sure no one takes it before him. At last, he was a hand away from reaching his beloved pudding, he reached his hand out to grab it - excited and eager to finally have the divine chocolate pudding all to himself but it all backfired on him when he felt a huge hand on his - a boy who is at least 10 centimeters taller than him was glaring at him.

“Uh excuse me, that’s my pudding can you move your hand please?” Taeyong said, holding tightly onto the pudding in fear the boy might snatch it away from him.  
“I got here before you though? So that’s technically my pudding dude.” The boy said, brows furrowed and lips pursed.  
“Yes, but I saw it first and i’ve been dying to eat it for the whole day so can you like please move your hand off of mine and let me have my pudding?” Taeyong said seriously, an annoyed expression on his face.  
The boy started laughing, a huge smile spreading across his face that showed his pearly white teeth.  
“Why don’t we share then bro? I’ll pay half and you pay the other half?”  
Taeyong wanted to say no, to decline, snatch the pudding and eat it at the bathrooms but he knew that was impossible considering the boy who still had his hand on him could probably knock Taeyong down with his pinky if he were to run away, and so Taeyong agreed to what the boy had suggested and that is how a new friendship was created.

Taeyong learned that Yukhei is half chinese and half thai and that he’s able to speak 5 languages. Taeyong finds the fact Yukhei managed to learn 5 languages pretty impressive and wishes he’d be as ambitious and intelligent as him. 

Taeyong likes the liveliness and happiness Yukhei spreads to his surroundings, he’s like a happy pill and Taeyong is more than glad to have earned a friend like Yukhei who can distract him a bit from the things burdening him at the moment.

“So are you going to that party tonight?” Taeyong asks curiously.  
“Oh! That’s today right...Yuta’s party? Yes I’m going...it’s going to be my first party in this school.” Yukhei says, the huge familiar smile Taeyong is already used to forming on Yukhei’s face as he speaks. “I’m excited! Are you?” Yukhei asks excitedly, eyes widening as he’s waiting for Taeyong’s response.

“Excited? Dunno, not really. I’m still going though, with Jaehyun...do you wanna join us?” Taeyong asks. 

“Wait really? I can join you guys? When and where then?” Yukhei’s smile is even bigger now. Taeyong thinks to himself that Yukhei might be the purest boy he’s ever met and he really is glad to have met someone like him.

“Yes, yes of course you can! I’ll text you the address to my house later, Jaehyun said the party is a few blocks away from my house so we’ll walk from there.” Taeyong says, a small smile forming on his face upon seeing Yukhei smiling, thrilled for the upcoming party.

They part ways at some point, Taeyong pulls out his phone, plugging his earphones to the black device, one of his favorite songs is playing in the background as he’s heading to his house. He sinks in deep thoughts, wondering how he managed to go through this week without thinking about Doyoung too much or feel like his heart is being ripped out of his chest whenever he saw Doyoung at school but he’s relieved that he did, that he actually did manage to forget Doyoung, just a bit but it’s still something.

Had it not been for Yukhei and Jaehyun who kept Taeyong occupied, always around him - giving him the support and strength he’s needed he would’ve probably drowned in his own misery and pain. He’s grateful to have them both, they don’t pressure him to tell them the reason to his sudden downfalls and the distress that washes over him once in a while, they just surround him with the friendly love and warmth he needs. 

Taeyong feels like things are starting to look brighter, that they’re starting to look right. Maybe he doesn’t need Doyoung by his side afterall. 

 

It’s around 6pm when Taeyong hears his phone ringing, It’s Jaehyun.  
“Hello?” a soft manly voice says over the phone.  
“Yeah? What is it Jaehyunnie?” Taeyong asks.  
“You remember the party is tonight right? In like 4 hours from now.” Jaehyun says, almost whispering and his voice is so soothing Taeyong could fall asleep listening to it.  
“Oh, yeah yeah of course I do.” Taeyong nods his head. “I invited Yukhei too, to join us.”  
“Yukhei?” Jaehyun asks, discomfort can be heard in his voice.  
“Yeah, why? Is there a problem? You like him don’t you?” Taeyong asks back, now questioning Jaehyun.  
“I do, I like him yeah, he’s fun...I just- I thought we could…just the two of...nevermind.” Jaehyun sighs, mumbling incoherently to himself.  
“That’s great! I’ll come over to your house around 9pm then.” Jaehyun says halfheartedly, feeling the disappointment and anger building up in the pit of his stomach. 

He’s wanted to have some time with Taeyong alone now that he’s noticed Doyoung and Taeyong don’t talk to each other, at all. He doesn’t know the reason for the sudden loss of contact between the two but he thinks this is the perfect opportunity for him to finally show Taeyong that he’s worth it and that he won’t give up on him, ever. 

All those plans were now ruined because of Yukhei but Jaehyun can’t even get mad at Yukhei because he actually likes him and besides that, Taeyong was the one who unintentionally ruined his and Jaehyun’s ‘date’.

“Mhm, sounds good, see you later then.” Taeyong says over the phone and hangs up. Jaehyun wonders if all of his efforts are still worth it, Taeyong doesn’t even give him a chance to express his feelings better, to let Jaehyun get closer to him and show him that he’s worth it, and better than Doyoung.

Time passes by quickly and it’s already 8:30pm when Taeyong decides to get out of bed and choose something nice to wear. He doesn’t put too much thought into the outfit, not bothered enough to care what other people have to say about his outfit and so he puts on a plain white shirt and ripped jeans, Taeyong considers the idea of wearing fishnets underneath the jeans just to make it look nicer but the laziness takes over him and he ends up just wearing the ripped jeans with no fishnets underneath them.

Taeyong catches a glimpse of the time showing on his watch, it’s now 8:47pm and although Taeyong said earlier that he’s not really excited for the party he is starting to feel those little butterflies forming in his stomach, he hasn’t been to any party since July and this party is a good opportunity to relieve all the stress that has been building up in him ever since this shitty week started. He wants to have fun for once and let loose, not care about everyone and anything around him for one night. He’s thrilled for this party.

Taeyong’s phone vibrates, a new message from Yukhei:

**Yuk:**

I think im close to your house like 5 mins away frm it 

 

**You:**

Aight cool ill be ready by the time u get here

Taeyong inserts the phone in the back pocket of his jeans, hurriedly walking to the mirror to take a few glances at himself before going out, just to make sure he looks decent enough. He puts his black shoes on, not even bothering to tie the untied shoelaces instead, he shoves the laces inside the shoes. It’s fashionable in his opinion. 

He goes down the stairs, making sure to turn off all the lights in the house before leaving, moving quicker with each minute that passes, the excitement in his stomach rising.

 

At last, Taeyong walks out of the house, locking the front door. He walks towards a tall figure that is standing in the dark which he assumes - is Yukhei and he’s right.

“Taeyong! Good to see you, haven’t seen you in sooo long” Yukhei says sarcastically, standing with open arms, motioning Taeyong to move forward and hug him. 

Even though Taeyong and Yukhei had only befriended each other this week they’re already pretty close, Taeyong found it pretty easy to open up to Yukhei and vice versa. 

Taeyong gives in to the hug, moving forward and wrapping his arms around Yukhei’s waist. It’s nothing romantic and they both know it, Yukhei is aware of the fact Taeyong is having a hard time and he wants to make it easier for him, to assure him he’s there for him as well - even if they haven’t known each other for a long time, Yukhei has a lot of love to give and he wants to give some of it to Taeyong too.

“It’s been 5 hours since the last time you seen me are you kidding me?” Taeyong laughs, still wrapped in his Yukhei’s arms. They both laugh, amused from the situation.

It’s now 9:01pm and you could say this is possibly the worst timing ever because as soon as Jaehyun arrives to Taeyong’s house he spots the two, hugging and laughing. His heart tightening at the sight, no matter when, no matter where, no matter in what circumstance it is, Taeyong is always involved with someone and that someone is never him.

Jaehyun just stands there, unable to move - fearing he might interrupt something. He only heads towards the two when he sees them breaking apart from the hug.

“Hey guys, sorry for being late...let’s go?” Jaehyun says awkwardly, trying to avoid eye contact with them both.

“Yeah” Yukhei and Taeyong say simultaneously, laughing at the fact they said the same thing at the same time.

Jaehyun is uncomfortable, it’s not like he’s thirdwheeling but it sure feels like he is.  
They’re walking to Yuta’s house, Taeyong and Yukhei arguing about whether pizza on pineapple is good or not. Jaehyun couldn’t care less, he’s already sick of hearing the two giggling and laughing nonstop, jokingly teasing each other and forgetting Jaehyun is right beside them. He doesn’t say anything though. He’s the type to stay mute and take it all in even if he’s put in a discomforting situation like this one. Jaehyun knows the reason for his discomfort is mainly because he’s not the one making Taeyong laugh, he wishes it would be him instead.

The three finally arrive at the party, it seems to be a big house.  
It’s crowded, the smell of alcohol and cigarettes going up to Taeyong’s nostrils, making him nauseous. Taeyong inspects the house with his eyes, noticing couples already drunk and making out in the corner of the room, sweaty bodies all over each other and a large group of people downing shots, encouraging others to do so as well. 

The music is loud, making it hard for Taeyong to hear anything. Jaehyun is talking to him but Taeyong only looks at him in confusion as he’s unable to decipher whatever Jaehyun is saying. Jaehyun gets closer, whispering in Taeyong’s ear:  
“I said, do you want something to drink?” Taeyong feels Jaehyun’s warm breath on his ear. 

Taeyong wants to say no, to refuse to Jaehyun’s offer and just try to have fun without any alcohol in his system but a part of him wants to forget about everything, just for one night, for once to lift the heavy weight off his chest, the weight that constantly reminds him he fucked up, that Doyoung walked away because of him. 

He just wants to have fun for a change and alcohol seems to be the best solution for tonight and so he agrees to Jaehyun’s offer, nodding his head, sending Jaehyun off to get them their drinks. Taeyong is now left alone, searching for Yukhei who is no longer in sight, disappeared as soon as they stepped foot into the house, Taeyong stops looking around, assuming Yukhei had bumped into his friends and left without informing him and Jaehyun.

Jaehyun is back, holding two red cups and frankly, Taeyong couldn’t care less of what those cups contain, he just wants to get drunk as soon as possible and enjoy the rest of the night, he takes the red cup from Jaehyun’s hand, chugging the whole thing - the burn in his throat triggering his gag reflex. 

“Woah, calm down there” Jaehyun says in a worried tone, he’s aware of Taeyong’s low alcohol tolerance - he gets drunk off of one bottle of beer and any more than that could lead to unpleasant results.

“I’m fine Jae, I’ll down one more of that...thing and then I’m done. Promise.” Taeyong says, already feeling the alcohol running through his veins, the tipsiness starting to wash over him.

“Okay but, one more and then you’re done for tonight.” Jaehyun ruffles Taeyong’s hair, forcing out a small smile. Taeyong nods and Jaehyun is already on his way back to the kitchen area, getting Taeyong his drink.

Taeyong is tipsy, the weight on his chest feels lighter, nothing stressful occupying his mind, he feels calm, at peace - even though it’s all a result of some cheap alcohol he’s glad that for once he feels less stressed.

“There you go, drink it carefully please.” Jaehyun interrupts Taeyong’s thoughts, handing him the drink. Taeyong isn’t listening at this point, nothing to restrain him now that the alcohol is furiously working its way to Taeyong’s brain, making him hazier with each passing second. 

He grabs the cup handed to him, again chugging its capacity. Jaehyun only sighs, realization hitting him all of a sudden - Taeyong has let go of all his fears and worries, he just wants to have some fun and to be fair, Jaehyun has witnessed Taeyong’s downfalls and mood swings throughout this week and considering how upset and distressed Taeyong has been, letting him wild out just for tonight should be fine. Or so he thought.

Jaehyun thought letting his guard down just a bit would be a nice idea, after all this is a party and he came here to have fun as well and not follow Taeyong around to everywhere, making sure he doesn’t do anything stupid he’s going to regret about the next morning and so he lets his guard down, taking his time drinking, he even gets to talk to a few people, gradually forgetting the fact Taeyong is probably drunk enough to make stupid decisions.

Taeyong is left alone, drunk and unaware of his actions, he walks around the big house, blending in with the crowd of drunken sweaty bodies, it’s gross but he’s too far gone to care. He’s tilting from one side to another, unable to keep himself balanced, he has no control over his actions or thoughts at this point and he loves it for some reason. 

 

Taeyong mindlessly walks around the huge house, impressed by the size of it and the fact Yuta is willing to throw a party and let stupid teenagers ruin his respetable house but it’s none of his business, he thinks to himself. Taeyong is long gone, his mind has trailed off to drunkland long ago, he’s not focused neither does he want to be focused but it’s not until he feels a hand pulling him back up from the ground that he realizes he bumped into something, more precisely: someone. 

“Taeyong? Are you okay? Hey? Earth to Taeyong?” The familiar, soft and angelic voice is echoing in his ears, he can feel someone shaking his shoulder but he’s unable to snap out of this weird state, eyes blurry and unfocused, his body not listening to him, he’s too worn out to move at the moment.

“Taeyong? Can you hear me?” Taeyong can hear the voice calling out to him but he physically can’t move. He feels arms wrapping around him but he can’t really figure out who it is. His mind goes completely blank, eyes shutting close.

When Taeyong opens his eyes, he’s lying down on a bed in a room he’s never been to before, dim light covering the room. Taeyong takes a look at his watch - it’s 2:00am and he assumes the party is not over yet considering he can hear music echoing from outside the room. He slowly gets up, leaning on his elbows and examining the room with his eyes - still trying to figure out where he is.

“Taeyong?” The familiar voice making Taeyong’s heart skip a beat. He knows who it is, he doesn’t want to turn around, too scared to turn around and face the person behind him.

“Look, I accidentally bumped into you earlier and then...you fell and didn’t really react to whatever I said so I kinda took you to Yuta’s room and y-yeah i’ll leave now that I know you’re okay.” The voice says, twisting Taeyong’s guts from the inside, the weight on his chest is back again, even heavier now.

“Why? Why couldn’t you just leave me there? I’m sure one of my friends would’ve noticed me so...so why do you keep coming back into my life?” Taeyong replies, spitting out the words, his back still facing the man behind him.

“Your friends? They were all busy dancing and chatting with other people while you practically collapsed in my hands. But whatever, keep blaming me for everything I do, you’re probably still a bit drunk anyway.” The man says, sounding more irked now.  
Taeyong takes a deep breath, mustering up the courage to face the man who’s sitting behind him next to the bed he’s lying on. He turns around, now facing Doyoung who’s still sitting on the chair next to the bed.

“I’m not blaming you, I’m- I…” He’s struggling to let the words out. “I’m blaming myself, I know that...that if you get close again I won’t be able to control myself so plea-” He’s cut off by Doyoung. “What do you mean control yourself? Can you be more clear? I don’t get what you’re saying.” Doyoung asks, waiting for an answer.

Taeyong exhales, trying to find the right words to say at the moment.  
“I just...I can’t let you get close to me again and fuck you up all over again, I-I can’t hurt you again Doyoung, I don’t wanna hurt you I-” tears rolling down his cheeks now. “I thought I’m finally getting over this but now you’re here and I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for being an asshole-” He sniffles, wiping away the tears that won’t stop spilling from his eyes. “I’m sorry that I’m such a mess and I’m sorry for making you go through all this, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Taeyong cries out, letting out all the pain, sorrow and distress that have built up inside of him ever since he and Doyoung parted ways. 

“I’m sorry that I like you so much.” He says quietly, hoping Doyoung hears him, he doesn’t. 

“Taeyong I’m sorry...I don’t know what to say or do...s-so i’ll just give you your space, I don’t want to bother you or something.” Doyoung’s heart aches, he doesn’t want to leave Taeyong all alone like this, in such a vulnerable state but he can’t stay, he can’t hurt himself, hurt them both. 

“Don’t. Don’t leave please, just- just stay please I don’t want to be alone.” Taeyong says, his voice breaking. He’s still drunk, or so he convinces himself. He just wants Doyoung by his side. He misses him.

“Okay okay, I’m not leaving i’ll stay right here so just rest a bit until you feel better, I’m right here.” Doyoung says, his voice sounds so reassuring and safe, Taeyong missed that. He listens to what Doyoung says, lying back down and turning his back on Doyoung. 

Awkward silence lingers in the air, the atmosphere is weird and Taeyong is restless, he can’t close his eyes knowing Doyoung is behind him, possibly staring at him, he can feel his presence and it feels good for some reason, not stressful or burdening. 

“Doyoung.” Taeyong says in a quiet voice. Doyoung is listening, not saying a word.

“Please don’t leave me ever again.”


	6. Waning Gibbous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm back with a new chapter and I'm sorry if it's too short, kinda busy with finals BUt anyways,,,I hope you enjoy reading this chapter! <3

_“Please don’t leave me ever again.”_

There it is. The sting, the familiar sting which would always shaken Doyoung’s heart, made it feel like it’s exploding in his chest, that little pinch he’d feel whenever Taeyong said his name or simply smiled at him. 

Is Taeyong even aware of what he’s saying? Aware of the fact he’s twisting Doyoung’s guts from the inside with those six simple yet groundbreaking words? Making Doyoung reconsider all the choices he’s made up until now in order to cut ties with Taeyong? Does Taeyong even know the reason why Doyoung walked away in the first place? That Taeyong deeply hurt him and he couldn’t bear the emotional draining experience Taeyong had made him go through anymore? He probably doesn’t, he’s probably forgotten it all already and is just talking out of convenience, out of sheer urge to have someone by his side, whoever it is - Doyoung doesn’t want to be that someone to Taeyong anymore, he doesn’t want to be the backup plan, the second choice. 

 

Doyoung takes a deep breath, every breath he takes is like a hit in the chest. He waits for a few minutes, not saying anything - hoping Taeyong has already fallen asleep so he could carefully take his leave. He has nothing to say about what Taeyong had just told him, he doesn’t want to say anything. 

It takes Doyoung awhile to get up from the chair he was sitting on and simply walk out the door. Eventually, he musters up the courage and gets up, repeatedly telling himself to avoid looking at the small figure lying on the bed, his heart beating fast, he doesn’t want to face Taeyong. 

He’s only a few meters away from the door when he feels a hand grabbing his wrist - _shit._

Feeling defeated, he looks down not willing to turn around and face Taeyong who is obviously the one holding him by the wrist. 

“I’m not drunk. Did you hear what I just said?” Taeyong says, sounding too blunt for his own good. It pisses Doyoung off.

“I did. But I can’t stay so let go.” Doyoung tries to escape from Taeyong’s firm hold. 

“I’m not- I don’t- not just now, in the future too.” Taeyong exhales in frustration as he was struggling to find the right words. 

Now Taeyong wants to put the cards on the table? Now Taeyong wants to be straightforward? How convenient for mister Lee Taeyong; he’s drunk, probably not even aware of what he’s saying or doing, been searching for someone to get with at the party and Doyoung happens to be right there, as always. 

Doyoung is mad, raging inside, flames of fury flaring up in the pit of his stomach. He wants to punch Taeyong in the face, he truly does but he can’t. He’d never hurt Taeyong, as much as he wants to, physically or emotionally. He’s just not capable of hurting him, he’ll never be capable of doing so - he treasures Taeyong too much. No matter how long he hasn’t seen or talked to him or no matter how shitty Taeyong has made him feel - he would never hurt him.

“Now you want me to stay by your side?” Doyoung quickly turns around, the anger controlling his actions now. He’s facing Taeyong, a bewildered look on Taeyong’s face. Doyoung settles on the bed, sitting next to him, they’re making eye contact, and as weird as it sounds it’s satisfying - to finally be able to look at each other without holding back, without occasionally stealing quick glances at school and a second later pretend like they don’t know the other. 

It feels real, it is real. 

Taeyong still has his hold on Doyoung’s wrist, not paying attention to whatever’s going on around him, focused on Doyoung’s face only. It feels like his heart is beating out of his chest. This is surreal.

“Do you really want _me_ to stay by your side or would you be okay with _anyone_ coming your way?” Doyoung says harshly, narrowing his eyes and getting closer and closer to Taeyong, affectionate actions contradicting his harsh words. He places a hand on his cheek, cupping one side of Taeyong’s face with his hand - they’re only a few inches apart. Taeyong wants to do something, to say something, to latch onto Doyoung’s lips and express his undying, immense love he has for him but he can’t. He’s unable to upon hearing what Doyoung had just said - belittling and cancelling Taeyong’s pure feelings of affection towards him. 

He’s hurt, to think Doyoung sees him that way, that Doyoung thinks Taeyong would let anyone in no matter who it is. Just when he thought they had a chance to mend this broken trust and friendship, to create something different that is more than a friendship, Doyoung says this; the fact Doyoung never once stopped to think that maybe Taeyong has feelings for him, that maybe Taeyong longs for him and no one else, that Taeyong has been dying to be held in Doyoung’s arms but because he’s a coward he never got the chance to say anything, because his fears had taken over him and made him take a step back. He wished Doyoung knew he never intended on breaking them apart, he wishes Doyoung would see him in a different light, but it’s too late now.

Perplexed, Taeyong waits for Doyoung to make a move, his brain still registering everything.

Doyoung gets closer, hot breath on Taeyong’s mouth, sending chills down Taeyong’s spine. It’s too much to take in and Taeyong can’t think properly - heat going up all the way from his neck to his ears, racing heartbeat making him less patient and more flustered.

Their lips brush, soft skin barely touching but it’s there. Taeyong is already on cloud nine, ready to be taken by Doyoung, let himself be swayed into the impending kiss. 

It all breaks apart when a noise of a door opening is heard, Doyoung hurriedly backs away - pushing Taeyong away and the next thing Taeyong knows his head hits the headboard, shaking him out from what seems like a dream but turns out to be reality - Doyoung is in the room, standing and looking at Jaehyun. 

Taeyong is slowly coming back to his senses, Jaehyun’s sweet voice echoing in his ears.

“Sorry if I interrupted something but I left my jacket here so uh- yeah, thanks and...goodnight, Taeyong.” Jaehyun says, embarrassment can be heard in his voice, he quickly exits the room. Leaving the two alone again.

Doyoung doesn’t say anything, again. Doesn’t even spare Taeyong a glance and a brief moment later he’s already gone. He walked away, again. Leaving Taeyong alone with bitter aftertaste of disappointment to accompany him, a train of painful, anxious thoughts hits Taeyong all at once - leaving him with questions he will never find the answer to.

-  
“Why am I such an idiot? Why am I such a fucking dumbass? I should’ve known, I should’ve known.” Jaehyun mumbles to himself angrily, scolding himself for walking in on Doyoung and Taeyong who happened to be in a very intimate moment Jaehyun never wanted to see. 

His ears are still red from embarrassment, he’s chewing on his inner cheek again - his unhealthy habit of stress but he can’t help it, he’s still a bit drunk and witnessing the man he wishes to be with the most being embraced by the man he despises the most sickens him - making him distressed and nervous, the jealousy building up in the pit of his stomach comes in form of vomit - he wants to throw up, convincing himself it’s the alcohol and nothing else he runs to the backyard, holding it in until he’ll reach a vacant, dark spot to let it all out.

At last, he finds the ideal spot, getting on his knees from lack of power and energy he throws up all the alcohol he’s had, letting it all out and wishes he could let out those feelings of fury, jealousy and distress as well.

His eyes are closed, he’s lying on the grass, powerless and sweaty. The alcohol completely drained him and after seeing Taeyong and Doyoung all over each other he really has lost all his power and will to get up and take care of himself. 

He wonders if this is worth it, if loving Taeyong is worth it. He’s never thought of it, if he were to describe his experience of falling in love with Taeyong he’d describe it as enjoyable and charming, he never once doubted his feelings for Taeyong and if he ever did, he brushed it off quickly enough to forget. But now, Jaehyun is really contemplating; Has all this time he spent with Taeyong gone to waste? Has he gained anything ever since he fell in love with Taeyong? Will he ever gain anything from it? Jaehyun doesn’t know but seems like his body does. Tears rolling down his cheeks and falling on the grass under him. 

This is the first time Jaehyun regrets ever falling for Taeyong, for the first time Jaehyun realizes that falling for Taeyong isn’t that enjoyable and lovely, that love has a price, that his love will remain unrequited. 

His first love that he will never get to hold and love mutually, first love that is now turning into his first heartbreak. 

The tears are flowing now, Jaehyun letting out everything that has built up inside of him ever since he developed those feelings for Taeyong, the realization that he’s been suffering for way too long without noticing has finally hit him and it hurts, it burns inside. 

“I’m sorry that I like you...I’m so sorry but I still like you I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.” Jaehyun mumbles to himself breathlessly, sniffling and crying even harder now, his body trembling as he takes out all the stress and pain inside of him.

Will he ever get to be happy? Will he ever be able to forget Taeyong and everything he feels for him? Will he ever fall in love with someone else the same way he fell for Taeyong? Will it hurt the same way it did with Taeyong? Jaehyun is drowning in his own thoughts, tears and pain, not noticing the brown haired boy standing above him, staring down at him with a worried expression on his face.

“Hey, are you okay?? Can you hear me? Uh- I- should I get some water maybe? I’ll get some water be right back!” The brown haired boy says, sounding genuinely concerned but he’s already gone by the time Jaehyun gets to react. 

Jaehyun blinks, twice. His nose red and stuffy from crying and his eyes red and puffy. He’s still lying on the grass, staring up at the starry night sky above him. It’s almost bewitching. 

The brown haired boy then returns, a cup of water in one hand and a wet towel in the other. 

“How are you feeling? We don’t know each other but I couldn’t help but notice you were crying near...your vomit and everything so uh you know.” The boy says quite bluntly, now smiling. His two front teeth resemble those of a bunny, round brown eyes that radiate innocence and purity and soft, silky hair that falls perfectly on his face. 

Jaehyun slowly gets up, his head pounding as a result of drainage in his body. He sits up, grabbing the cup handed to him and takes small sips, fearing he might throw up again if he drinks it all in one go.

He’s still kind of hazy, eyesight quite blurry from the remaining alcohol in his system and of course, from the tears. He gulps, throat still a little dry and burning even after having some water. Taken by surprise, Jaehyun startles when the latter places the wet towel on his forehead, moving the damp hairs out of his face and washing away the tears and sweat that formed on his smooth, delicate skin. It’s odd, they just met yet this boy who he doesn’t even know the name of is taking care of him. Strange world.

“Thank you, I...really, I have nothing to say other than thank you. So...thank you.” Jaehyun chuckles, his irresistible dimples appearing as a small smile forms on his face.

“No problem! My name is Jungwoo by the way, Kim Jungwoo. And yours?” Jungwoo’s face brightens up upon seeing Jaehyun smiling, glad he’s slowly sobering up. 

“Jaehyun, Jung Jaehyun. Nice meeting you Jungwoo. I really like your front teeth by the way.” He says cheekily, the smile not leaving his face yet.

Jungwoo giggles at Jaehyun’s compliment, embarrassed yet flattered. He finds Jaehyun a bit attractive despite Jaehyun being in his most probably worst state right now; hair messy and dry, eyes red and puffy and shirt stained with alcohol and a little bit of vomit yet, there’s something about him that Jungwoo still finds attractive, perhaps his dimples.

“Well, I like your dimples.” Jungwoo says, making it sound like they’re in some type of a compliments competition. It’s cute and amusing, they just met but they’re already complimenting each other, forgetting about everything around them and letting peace and a bit of purity and happiness consume them. Just for a bit. 

“Where’s your house Jaehyun?” Jungwoo asks in sheer curiosity.

“Why are you asking?” Jaehyun says quite playfully - he might still be a bit drunk.

“You seem to be too tired and drunk to go on your own so why don’t I walk you home? It’s not like I got anything better to do anyway.” Jungwoo says in a suggestive tone, shrugging his shoulders and trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.

“That way.” Jaehyun points at some dark street that could be seen from across the backyard.

“Wait really? My house is in that direction too huh...so shall we go?” Jungwoo gets up from the dry grass, offering his hand to Jaehyun who gladly takes it and gets up as well. Jaehyun steals a glance at his own vomit, his face scrunching up in disgust, he turns away from it immediately - not wanting to be reminded of the gross and painful experience.

The party is not over yet, people are still dancing, drinking, making out in random places and playing stupid games but Jungwoo and Jaehyun are leaving, Jaehyun not in the condition to continue partying and Jungwoo kind of tired and sick of the loud music and sweaty bodies.

They’re walking side by side on the road now, 3 in the morning in a quiet neighborhood, no cars or people in sight.

“You’re new right? You joined this year?” Jaehyun asks, trying to lighten up the mood, strange tension lingering in the air. Every once in a while a wave of nausea coming but he holds it back, not wanting to throw up again.

“I am, I moved out from Gimpo to Seoul. It’s kind of weird...making new friends and stuff like that but I’ll work on it, eventually.” Jungwoo says shyly, his soft, soothing voice making Jaehyun sleepy.

“Oh I totally get you, when I came back from America it was so hard to befriend people and catch up with everything but there are always those people who’ll be willing to help you out.” Jaehyun is reminded of Taeyong, his heart tightens at the thought of him. 

Jungwoo nods, agreeing with the statement. The first person coming to his mind is Doyoung, who’s been helping him ever since they were introduced to each other. 

It hasn’t been that long but Jungwoo may have developed a little crush on Doyoung, nothing serious as he keeps telling himself but Doyoung is so charismatic and handsome and ideal, Jungwoo can’t help it. Maybe it’s too early to label it but he’d call it a small crush. 

“So how old are you?” Jaehyun asks, curious to know more details about the brown haired boy.

“I’m gonna turn 18 on February, February 19.” Jungwoo replies, looking at Jaehyun who has his hands in the back pockets of his jeans and eyes glued to the ground.

“Wait really? I’m turning 18 on February 14! Close dates huh?” Jaehyun says quite excitedly as if it’s the first time he’s ever heard about someone who was born on the same month as him, knowing damn well half of the people he knows were born in February and there’s nothing special about it.

“Wait, wait you were born on Valentine’s Day? That’s cool! I wish I was born on Valentine’s Day too it seems sweet and fun.” Jungwoo says innocently like a little kid and Jaehyun can’t help but smile at how cute Jungwoo sounds right now.

“Yeah, yeah it’s cool I guess.” Jaehyun says quite awkwardly, an inevitable chuckle escaping from his lips. 

“Can I ask you something? I hope I don’t come out as too blunt and if I do please tell me.” Jungwoo says, sounding apologetic already.

“Go ahead.” Jaehyun shrugs his shoulders 

“Have you ever been in love? Like actually in love? Or someone was in love with you?” Jungwoo spits out the question that goes right through Jaehyun’s heart, reminding him of the disgusting situation he was just in a few minutes ago. 

Jaehyun takes a few moments before answering the question, not sure what to say.

“Yes, I’ve been in love with someone before. I...still am ever since I’ve fallen in love with them.” Jaehyun’s voice is shaky and desperate, reminded of Taeyong’s beautiful face and existence that will never be his.

“Oh...I wanted to ask because you seem experienced...Valentine’s day and everything uh- well I- so my point is-“ Jungwoo is stuttering, the nervousness in his voice can be heard, realizing he may have hit a sensitive spot for Jaehyun, he tries getting out of it.

“So my point is...I think I have a c-crush on this person and I don’t know if it’s like uh- serious or...I- well...I don’t know if I could even name it yet bu-” He’s cut off by Jaehyun who now has his warm hand on his shoulder, he’s laughing and his dimples are on full display. 

“Experienced? Because I was born on Valentine’s Day? What does that have to do with my dating experience?” Jaehyun is still laughing, loud and clear. For the first time tonight it seems like he’s having fun. 

Jungwoo joins him, realizing how stupid it was to assume Jaehyun is experienced because he was born on Valentine’s Day. 

After calming down a bit they go back to their usual walking pace, walking side by side, exchanging questions.

“So you said you might have a crush on someone right? I suppose your first one? Anyways, when did you start feeling that way?” Jaehyun asks, interested in knowing now.

“Oh, yes uh- yes yes m-my first.” Jungwoo says, blush staining his cheeks red upon confessing to Jaehyun that this is indeed his very first crush. “Well I’ve met him for the first time on the first day of school and then we kinda started talking everyday so...it just happened.” Jungwoo says, blush still staining his cheeks red from the thought of Doyoung’s face popping up in his head whenever he’s reminded of the word ‘crush’. 

“Well do you know if your crush likes someone?” Jaehyun asks.

“I haven’t really thought about it I just...kinda...I don’t know” Jungwoo responds nervously. 

“I’m asking because you know sometimes it’s good to crush on someone and imagine cute scenarios with them but then you find out you can’t even have them to yourself because they like someone else that isn’t you and then-” Jaehyun stops himself, realizing he might be scaring Jungwoo, but the immense pain of rejection and feelings of deprivation take over him, driving him to talk about his own issues without addressing them much. He needs to let it out in some way though.

“Yes, yes I agree hm, I think my crush likes someone...I have someone in mind but I’m not sure.” Jungwoo looks up at the sky, deep in thought - trying to think of times he’s seen Taeyong and Doyoung even breathing in each other’s direction, he can’t seem to think of any. It’s quite weird of him to think Doyoung likes Taeyong as he’s never seen evidences to indicate that it is indeed true but his gut feeling is telling him he might be right, that something is going on between the two.

“Love hurts, don’t you think?” Jaehyun says out of the blue, taking Jungwoo by surprise.

“W-what? Well I...I don't really know i've never truly been in love so I don’t uh…” Jungwoo is stuttering again, the whole topic of love making him nervous and giddy. 

“Love is like...trying to fix a broken mirror. The pieces are scattered everywhere and you’re trying to find which broken piece connects to the other, the glass might cut you and it’ll hurt...really bad. And then you’re starting to feel like you'll never be able to fix that damn mirror and it’s frustrating.” Jaehyun sighs, exhausted from just talking about it.

“Who broke your mirror?” Jungwoo asks, sounding innocent. 

“It’s a metaphor, you know.” Jaehyun stating the obvious.

“Yeah I got it but you wouldn’t come up with such a metaphor if it wasn’t for someone letting you down and making you feel like this, right?” Jungwoo turns to look at Jaehyun, blank expression on his face. They both stop walking, standing still and looking at each other.

How can Jungwoo be so straightforward? How can Jungwoo see through him so well? They just met yet the latter already knows more about him than most of his friends do.

“His name is Taeyong. I don’t know if you know him but yeah, him.” Jaehyun’s heart tightening at the thought of Taeyong currently being embraced by Doyoung. Painful.

Jungwoo’s eyes widen, a small world indeed. He didn’t expect Jaehyun who seems and sounds like a person who’d never let anyone or anything break him, hurt him emotionally and make him feel like...this. But Jaehyun is full of surprises from what it seems.

“I know him, he’s in my Japanese Literature class and my...crush mentioned him once.” Jungwoo gulps, not sure if it was a good idea to bring up the fact his crush mentioned Taeyong once.

“So who’s your crush? I told you who ‘broke my mirror’ so now you have to tell me about your lil crush.” Jaehyun asks quite teasingly, trying to forget the hurtful topic they were just on about.

Jungwoo’s heart is pounding in his chest, kind of uncomfortable with telling Jaehyun who his crush is but it’s only fair to tell him since Jungwoo’s tactless self asked Jaehyun who practically broke his heart. 

“Doyoung, Kim Doyoung. You probably know him…” Jungwoo ruffles his hair, trying to avoid eye contact with Jaehyun. 

Jaehyun is stunned, he never expected to hear Doyoung’s name coming from Jungwoo, wave of annoyance washing over him; somehow, Doyoung is always involved, somehow it always revolves around Doyoung, somehow it’s always about Doyoung and Taeyong.

“Oh, well goodluck and I hope your feelings for him are mutual.” Jaehyun says, trying to mask the anger in his voice with a forced smile. It irritates him, to know Doyoung is somehow always involved, reminding him he’ll never be able to get what he wants, what he longs for - Taeyong.

“It’s not really feelings it’s like a small crush don’t interpret it differently.” Jungwoo says in a demanding voice. 

“Okay so crush, whatever. Anyways, my house is nearby so you can go now.” Jaehyun failing to mask the annoyance is now on full on asshole mode.

“My house is nearby too.” Jungwoo says calmly, not minding Jaehyun’s cocky behaviour. 

They keep walking, silence lingers in the air, too embarrassing and awkward to talk right now. They finally reach Jaehyun’s house.

“Wait your house is here? Mine is two houses away from yours. Look.” Jungwoo says, taken aback and is now pointing at his house.

“That’s cool I guess, well goodni-”  
Jaehyun is cut off by Jungwoo’s enthusiastic suggestion. 

“We should walk to school together! Wouldn't it be fun? And we can meet up and...all that if you want.” As annoyed as Jaehyun is right now, he can’t find it in himself to decline this sweet, pure boy standing in front of him that offering him to go to school with him every morning. Jungwoo is charming, and he can’t help but laugh.

“Alright, alright we can do that.” Jaehyun is laughing, forgetting for a few moments the horrible experience he’s been through less than thirty minutes ago and it feels good, to forget everything for a few moments and solely focus on your own happiness and inner peace. Slowly healing himself without realizing. 

Maybe Jungwoo will be his way of healing, he doesn’t know that yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as you've probably noticed I kind of decided to focus on Jaehyun and Jungwoo's dynamics this time, I know some people don't like when fics focus on other characters that aren't the main character but I, as a writer thinks it's important to give more depth and background to my characters so thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed reading this! <3
> 
> [My Twitter](https://twitter.com/touchnct)


	7. Last Quarter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello I'm back with a new chapter and let me just say there is a LOT of cussing in this one so I'm sorry in advance, also mentions of minor violence(nothing big or anything) and there are also a lot of dialogues in this one chapter specifically but I hope you enjoy reading this! <3

The next morning, Jaehyun wakes up to his phone ringing. It’s Taeyong.  
Half asleep, Jaehyun gets up, leaning on his elbows and rubbing his eyes. He clears his throat and ruffles his hair lightly - one eye closed, he picks the phone up. “Hello?” he says in a rough morning voice.  
  
“Oh, Jaehyunnie did I wake you up? Should I call later?” Taeyong’s soothing voice making Jaehyun even sleepier and it takes Jaehyun a few seconds to respond, his brain processing everything a little slower.  
  
“Wh-what no, no, no It’s all good. What is it Yong?” Jaehyun sits up on the bed in an attempt to give his full attention to Taeyong who’s about to talk again.  
“Well, this is gonna be a bit long, I hope you don’t mind...I just- I have to let it out and I trust you with this.”  
  
Jaehyun’s heart tightens upon hearing those oddly satisfying words “I trust you” - a small smile forming on his face, dimples slightly showing and ears red.  
  
“Mhm, go ahead I’m listening.” The smile never leaving his face, infatuated with the idea of Taeyong calling _him_ to tell him whatever is on his mind.  
  
Taeyong takes a deep breath, preparing to let out this emotional baggage that he’s been carrying for so long.

 “The day at the playground, when I cried.” He catches his breath. “The reason I cried was” struggling to talk, he licks his lips nervously, unsure if he should even continue but he has to - he can’t keep it inside anymore. “The reason is Doyoung I- how do I explain this?” He takes a deep breath again, trying to hold his tears in, it’s too early in the morning to cry over Doyoung.  
  
“Okay so, t-that playground...it’s me and Doyoung’s usual spot well, used to be. Not anymore but let me get to the point. Uh so I-” He gulps, trying to swallow the lump in his throat, struggling to let the words out - the tears stinging the corners of his eyes.  
  
“Take your time Yong, I’m listening. Always.” Jaehyun tries to reassure though he himself is starting to break upon hearing Taeyong fighting the urge to cry, now aware of how much Taeyong has been suffering without saying a word.

   
“I’m gonna start with where it all began. Was around summer and uh I was at Doyoung’s house and...I did something so stupid like really so dumb and ridiculous...nevermin-”  
  
“What did you do? It’s okay, you can tell me, I would never judge and you know it.” Jaehyun cuts Taeyong off.  
  
“I...ugh this is so embarrassing.” Taeyong doesn’t say anything for awhile, it takes him a few minutes to find it in him to say it.

“I- I got on top of him, I kissed his neck and I don’t even know why but at that moment I just wanted to kiss him and I kinda did and...and then he tried, he tried-” He stops himself, unable to continue as the tears start forming in his eyes again, threatening to spill.  
  
Jaehyun is speechless, can’t even think of proper words to say - he knew something was going on between the two but he never thought it was that serious. He closes his eyes, trying to ignore the disgusting waves of jealousy and anger that are washing over him.  
  
Taeyong once again swallows down the lump in his throat, attempting to deny the pain and sorrow that are creeping up inside of him.

“He tried...kissing me. On the mouth but I backed away and then- then, he kicked me out of his house and never contacted me again. He ignored all my calls and messages and I tried to reach out to him so many times yet-” He’s crying now, ignoring the fact that it’s too damn early in the morning to cry since it’s too late to stop the inevitable tears that won’t stop flowing and rolling down his face, the pain is too much - Taeyong has dealt with this alone for way too long and it’s time to finally let it all out. He’s trembling, sniffling and trying to get himself together in order to keep talking to Jaehyun, it doesn’t seem to work - he’s all over the place, his emotions are all over the place.

“When was it? Like when exactly?” Jaehyun finally manages to say, teary-eyed and trying his hardest not to burst into tears as well, hearing Taeyong crying and hurting like this because of one person is saddening him, angering him.  
  
Taeyong’s voice is unsteady from the heavy crying “August, a few weeks before the school year started.”

“And you haven’t really talked since then? Didn’t you guys talk at the party last night?” Jaehyun scratches the back of his neck, confused and curious.

“That’s what I’m trying to say, on the first day of school he approached me and said we need to talk in the usual spot. I was so happy that we could finally talk and maybe talk things out because everything was so-” Taeyong chokes on his own saliva, tears still rolling down his face, eyes already swollen and nose leaking.

 

Jaehyun is furious, the anger and resentment that have been building up inside of him dying to burst out, he wants to destroy Doyoung and he hasn’t even heard the whole thing yet.

“Everything was so unclear and I just wanted us to go back to normal and then, then he said we need to stop talking...completely and never see each other again. All my hopes and expectations were shattered right in front of my eyes. And it-“ he sniffles again, almost wiping the fluid running from his nose with the back of his hand out of instinct. “It hurts so bad, it still does. Jaehyun.” He catches his breath. “He just walked away.”

 Jaehyun is on the verge of crying, the fact he _knew_ something has been making Taeyong feel like this but never bothered to ask what is it that’s bothering him sickens him, he wants to care for Taeyong yet he can’t even do that properly. He clears his throat, his brain still taking in all the details and information. “I’m sorry Taeyong. I truly am sorry that he did that to you and If I could do something to make it bett-“

 “Wait, please.” Taeyong says in a low voice, interrupting Jaehyun. He inhales sharply and closes his eyes, trying to calm himself down.

“Uhm, I was really trying to forget him I, I was so hurt and I just couldn’t bear the pain and I actually did start to f-forget him and” He’s stuttering again, mumbling incoherent words to himself. “And then the party came, I passed out at the party-“

“Wait, you passed out?” Jaehyun straightens up, taken by surprise. He didn’t even know Taeyong passed out, frustration washing over him.

“Y-yeah and Doyoung he...helped me and we ended up in some randon room and again...I- I fucked up. I fucked up so bad, Jaehyun” Taeyong says in a breathy voice, the tears uncontrollably falling down on his face.

 Jaehyun wants to comfort Taeyong, to tell him it’s all going to be alright but the jealousy and fury are stronger than him, practically forcing him to say something different, other than comforting words. “Do you like him?” Jaehyun says in a seemingly cocky tone.  
  
Taeyong, taken aback freezes in his place, surprised by the question that has an obvious answer but for some reason, he can’t bring himself to admit that he likes Doyoung, at least not to Jaehyun.

 

Silence lingers in the air for far too long, causing discomfort. Jaehyun decides to swallow his pride and brush the question off, he is supposed to comfort Taeyong after all and making him distressed and uncomfortable isn’t going to help.

“Taeyong, it’s okay. You didn’t fuck up not at all, stop being so harsh on yourself. You need to understand that there are more sides and depth to everything and you aren’t the one in fault all the damn time. You keep blaming yourself for everything but have you ever thought that maybe Doyoung is at fault too? Has he not kicked you out of his house and cut all ties with you completely instead of talking it out like every other fucking person would do? Do you really think it’s all your doings? That everything that has happened up until now is solely your fault?” He grits his teeth in anger, jaw clenched and eyebrows furrowed.

 

The only thing Jaehyun can hear is Taeyong’s heavy breathing over the phone, indicating he’s still, most probably crying.

 Jaehyun sighs in frustration “It’s not your fault Taeyong, it isn’t. Please stop beating yourself up about something like this.” Jaehyun says in his soft, soothing voice. “You deserve better.” The words echoing in Taeyong’s ears, reminding him yet again of all the sweet memories he had shared with Doyoung. Forgetting Doyoung and seeing him in a negative light isn’t an option for Taeyong, at least not right now.

 “It’s not ‘something like this’ Jaehyun, I care about him, I don’t want to hurt him.” Taeyong says in a defensive voice.

 “But have you ever thought that maybe...he’s hurting you as well? You keep thinking you’re the cause of your own pain when in fact all this agony that has come upon you is because of _him.”_ Jaehyun tries to convince Taeyong, to make him realize he was never completely at fault.

 But does Jaehyun even know the full story? Is he aware of every miniscule detail? Of every feeling each of them has felt and every thought that has gone through their mind? Or is he just trying to protect Taeyong and have him all to himself?

 Jaehyun’s immense jealousy and resentment are controlling him, bringing out the manipulative side in him - the side he’s been trying to avoid for a long time, one he’s been trying to deny. But right now, he wants Taeyong all to himself - he has the chance to push Doyoung aside, to make Doyoung to be seen as the ‘bad guy’.

 “I don’t know, I don’t know anymore.” Taeyong sounding lost and confused, rubs his eyes in frustration.

 “I walked in on you two yesterday, didn’t you kiss? Don’t you feel _happy_?” It sounds as if a demon has possessed Jaehyun, not even thinking of comforting Taeyong at this point he just wants him by his side even if it means he has to emotionally extort Taeyong.

 

 _Happy_. The word squeezing Taeyong’s heart, when was the last time he was genuinely happy? When he didn’t feel like the sadness and pain are weighing him down?

 “We didn’t. He left a minute after you got out of the room, he didn’t say anything, he never does.” Taeyong’s voice can barely be heard, sore, dry throat and no more tears left to cry but the sadness is still there, his eyes sting and nose runny.

Jaehyun grabs the hem of his shirt, almost ripping the poor shirt - an unexplainable urge to break or tear something apart  out of anger is taking over him, he really wants to break Doyoung.

“And now it all comes to this right? You calling me and telling me everything.” Jaehyun retorts.  
  
Taeyong feels cornered, as if he’s being called out for what he’s doing, that what he’s doing right now is wrong, he’s starting to regret telling Jaehyun all of this.  
“Yes.” Is the only thing he says, voice weak and powerless.  
  
“I’m sorry to tell you Yong but your so called best friend is an asshole. He’s hurt you so many times from what i’ve heard just now and he isn’t worthy of your tears, just let him go already. Let it all go, you don’t need all this toxicity.” Jaehyun gets up from the bed, walking around the room in circles, eagerly waiting for Taeyong’s response.  
  
“Thanks for listening, it means a lot. Thank you.” Taeyong says and hangs up. He really does appreciate the fact Jaehyun was willing to listen but hearing him say he needs to let go of Doyoung and calling him an asshole annoys him. Yes, maybe Doyoung has hurt him but he just can’t tolerate someone else saying such things about Doyoung, he can’t stand it.  
  
He takes a deep breath and wipes the tears away, recovering from the huge storm of emotions he had just went through.  
  
Jaehyun is left shocked, surprised Taeyong hung up on him like that, did he say too much? He never intended on scaring or hurting Taeyong but he might have done so without paying close attention. It feels as if the jealousy is consuming him, eating him from the inside and turning him into something he doesn’t want to be.  
  
Jaehyun is still furious, regardless of him being madly in love with Taeyong and wanting to protect him and be with him he wants to beat Doyoung up, make him regret everything he’s done up until now - because not only has he deeply hurt his love interest, he’s hurt his precious friend as well and Jaehyun can’t, won’t accept this type of behaviour.  
  
                                    

* * *

 

The weekend goes by pretty fast, and monday is here.    
It’s around 7:30am when Jaehyun hears a knock on the door, preventing him from taking a bite from the lame sandwich he made for himself. He gets up from the chair, opening the door and in front of him is Jungwoo, a bright expression on his face - as always.  
  
“How can you be so happy in the morning I don’t get it.” Jaehyun ruffles his hair, flattening the messy strands of hair. “Also, why are you here?”  
  
“What do you mean why? You agreed on walking together to school…?” Jungwoo says as if stating the obvious. Jaehyun forgot about it and realization finally hits him.  
  
“Oh! Right right, well come in we got a few extra minutes.” He invites Jungwoo into the house.  
  
“Woah...your house. It’s so big.” Jungwoo says, mouth wide open and eyes exploring the fancy house.  
  
“Uh I guess. Anyways sit down I wanna eat my sandwich, want some?” Jaehyun offers a piece of his sandwich to Jungwoo who gladly takes it.  
  
“Thanks!” They bite into the sandwich simultaneously, Jungwoo’s eyes widen and Jaehyun nearly chokes on the sandwich from how cute Jungwoo looks when he opens his eyes like that. Overall, Jungwoo is a cute boy, Jaehyun had only met him this friday yet he already finds him cute and funny, he’s pure - and that’s a treasurable trait.  
  
“What?” Jaehyun chuckles.  
“Nothing, nothing.” Jungwoo smiles shyly.  
  
They continue eating, every once in a while sending quirky glances to each other.  
  
Jungwoo catches a glimpse of the time, it’s 7:45 and they should get moving if they don’t want to be late.  
  
They’re walking in a fast pace towards the school, Jungwoo telling Jaehyun a bit about himself. Jaehyun learns that Jungwoo loves soccer, pocari sweat and his favorite movies are ‘Finding Nemo’ and ‘Ratatouille’. He really does resemble a small child, Jaehyun thinks to himself.  
  
As soon as they reach school, the bell rings - hundreds of students rushing to their classes and despite that, Jaehyun manages to spot Taeyong in the big crowd of people, gloomy and worn out, looking like he hasn’t slept in 3 days and that might be true. Unfortunately, Jaehyun can’t allow himself be late for class as he’s already been late for most of his classes and adding up to it won’t do any good and so he forces himself to look away from Taeyong who he can see from a distance.  
  
Jaehyun’s observation was correct, Taeyong hasn’t slept in almost 3 days, his eyes heavy and eyesight blurry, feeling like he’s going to fall if he’s going to keep walking.

He goes up the stairwell, using the last bit of energy he has, nearly tripping when he reaches the third floor. He’s too tired to think of anything and the past weekend has only made it worse, he declined all calls and deleted all the messages sent to him; he just didn’t want to deal with anyone, Yukhei has called him numerous times probably worried since he hasn’t seen him ever since the party but Taeyong ignored, same thing with Jaehyun - he called and texted him a few times but Taeyong never picked the phone up or replied to any of the messages.

He’s too distressed and frustrated to function properly whether socially or physically, he can’t cope with his own feelings and thoughts, hoping everything will be alright eventually but unnoticeably, he’s distancing himself, ignoring his surroundings and letting the agony consume him.

The classes until lunch break arrives go slower than ever, making Taeyong sleepier and crankier with each passing hour, he’s been trying to keep his eyes open and listen to the teacher but it’s not working, the lack of sleep shutting his systems off one by one. He needs to sleep.

Lunch break finally arrives and Taeyong couldn’t be more thankful, the only thing on his mind is sleep - find a vacant spot outside in the shade and fall asleep for the rest of the lunch break. All those plans are cancelled the moment he feels a huge arm wrapping around his waist -Yukhei.

“Mind telling me why you haven’t contacted me at all up until now?” Yukhei asks, arm still wrapped around Taeyong’s waist.  
  
Taeyong sighs, too exhausted to talk. “I’m too tired to talk can we please sit down first?”

Yukhei only nods, letting go of Taeyong’s waist and now grabbing him by the hand, dragging his small figure along to find a good spot to sit in and talk.

Yukhei finds one quickly, a quiet, shaded spot with no sign of other people to interrupt the nap Taeyong has been planning on. Yukhei sits down and motions Taeyong to sit as well, the smaller boy sits and almost lies down out of instinct, forgetting he needs to make an actual verbal conversation with Yukhei before he can finally take his nap.

 

“What is it? Tell me. You look like you haven’t slept in like a week, is everything alright?” Yukhei asks in concern, head tilted to the side as he’s observing Taeyong.

 It takes Taeyong a few seconds to register what Yukhei had just said and another few seconds to respond.

 "I can’t really tell you...not right now at least.” He rubs his eyes, trying to keep himself awake.

“Hmm, so come here at least” Yukei places a hand on his own thighs suggestively, motioning Taeyong to come and lay his head on his legs, knowing he needs those few minutes of sleep, if you could even call it that.

Yukhei is too caring, too good to Taeyong and deep inside, if he’s honest with himself he wishes he’d fall for Yukhei instead. If he would’ve known back then how good and nice Yukhei would treat him, he’d fall for him with no hesitation but - things are a little more complicated than that and his stupid heart had decided on falling for a witty, quite sarcastic and loud boy with a gummy smile and charming almond shaped eyes called Doyoung. It just happened and there was no way he could prevent it from happening.

Taeyong lays his head on Yukhei’s thighs, they’re pretty comfortable considering the fact they’re fleshy and thick. He falls asleep quickly, Yukhei patting his hair and making him even sleepier than before, sending him to dreamland just for awhile.

peace and calmness residing in Taeyong, even if just for a little bit, it feels good.  
  
Unlike Taeyong and Yukhei, Jaehyun is restless, he’s been searching for Taeyong ever since the lunch break started - mindlessly pushing people out of the way, trotting and searching with his eyes for the small gloomy figure.  
Unintentionally, he bumps into a tall, slim figure and infuriation and malice hitting him all at once - a sudden urge to hit the slim figure strucks him.

 “Uh watch where you’re going dude” The slim man says obnoxiously.

"Uh, do me a favor and shut up” Jaehyun retorts, eyes narrowed and lips pursed - he’s pissed.

“What’s your problem? Just move so I can go” The man says, trying to escape from Jaehyun’s threatening presence.

“No, we need to talk, Doyoung, I’ve got a few things to tell you.” Jaehyun says, blocking the way for Doyoung.

Doyoung exhales “Fine but do it quickly I want to eat, c’mon.” He rolls his eyes, following Jaehyun to a quiet spot, it’s starting to look suspicious, he senses it but doesn’t mind it that much.  

“So? What do you wanna tell me? Spit it.” Doyoung says, trying to end this conversation as fast as possible.

“Are you fucking kidding me? You really have no idea why I wanna talk to you? Are you even aware of how Taeyong is feeling? Of how he’s taking in everything? He looks like mess and it’s all because of _you.”_ Jaehyun says, loud and clear, holding himself back from pinning Doyoung to the wall and break his nose right there and then.

Doyoung looks down, he’s aware of Taeyong’s condition. He knows what he did, he knows the consequences yet he can’t let that affect him, as much as it hurts - he can’t.

“What do you want me to say? And who are you to even blame me when you probably know nothing? Just talking for the purpose of feeling like a hero or something.” Doyoung says, sounding extremely calm as if those things Jaehyun had just informed him about don’t bother him, not even the slightest.

This is where Jaehyun breaks, unable to restrain himself no more he pushes Doyoung aggressively, pinning him against the wall and placing one of his hands on his shoulder to prevent Doyoung from moving and pushing him away.

Taken by surprise, Doyoung’s eyes widen, his hands trying to push Jaehyun away unsuccessfully - Doyoung is physically powerless next to Jaehyun who works out on the daily as his duty of being the captain of their school’s basketball team.

“Stop being so fucking ignorant, you don’t care about Taeyong and you never did just admit it and stop being an asshole. The least you can do is apologize to him, he’s been suffering for far too long solely because of you.” Jaehyun says in an accusatory tone, his hand still holding Doyoung against the wall.

rage building up in the pit of Doyoung’s stomach, Jaehyun doesn’t know anything, he never will so why is he getting involved? Why does he think he has the right to even talk to Doyoung about this? It’s none of his business and if Doyoung had wanted to contact Taeyong he’d do it in a heartbeat, but he can’t.

   
Doyoung is onto something, finally realizing the purpose of this whole fight, his demeanor changing as soon as the realization hits him.

“Why don’t _you_ admit you’re being ignorant? That you’re doing all of this to push me away? Just admit you like Taeyong and go but don’t. fucking. involve. me in this, don’t pretend like you know shit when you know nothing. If you have a problem with me as a person then say it but thing is, you don’t have a problem with me; you have a problem with the fact I’m always there instead of you.” Doyoung hitting all the right spots, enraging Jaehyun, Jaehyun tightens his grip on Doyoung’s shoulder, he’s hurting him and Doyoung is starting to feel threatened.

Doyoung is right, everything he just said has been nothing but correct and Jaehyun knows it, he knows he’s letting the manipulative, unwanted side in him get the best of him but he can’t control it, he wants Taeyong so bad to the extent he’s willing to hurt others - toxicity.  
  
Jaehyun wants to say something, to bite back, to fight and show he’s the stronger one here, his ego is too big for his own good. But right now, he can’t even form coherent words, too startled from Doyoung’s spot on observation, as if he knew what Jaehyun was thinking. It pisses him off but he lets go of Doyoung, backing away and letting the slimmer man go.

Doyoung takes a step forward, not saying anything and ready to walk away but uncontrollably he blurts out the words he never planned on saying out loud.  
  
“Taeyong would never be attracted to a mess like you.” He turns around immediately, shocked from his own words - considering running for his life because who knows, Jaehyun might just snap on him and break his nose or something.  
  
Jaehyun sits down on the cold, dirty ground, his heart pounding in his chest and all kinds of thoughts are running through his mind.  
  
This is the moment Jaehyun truly realizes he should give up, not only is he hurting his surroundings but he’s hurting himself as well - bringing out the unwanted, ignorant sides in him and he doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want to hurt people just to be with one person, doesn’t want to ruin himself for the purpose of unrequited love which will never be mutual.  
  
This is the moment where Jaehyun completely gives up on Taeyong, on his first love. This is the moment where Jaehyun’s healing finally begins.  
  
  
Doyoung is now making his way to the school’s building, fear still lingering in the pit of his stomach as he’s scared to face Jaehyun again.  
  
On his way he spots Taeyong’s familiar figure, sleeping soundly and resting his head on Yukhei’s legs, a boy he’s heard about from one of his classmates. From what he’s heard Yukhei is a lively soul, incredibly smart and intelligent and is capable of making anyone laugh. Seeing the two interacting like that in front of him is triggering something in him, he can’t lie. Annoyed by the fact that Taeyong might have moved on, had forgotten Doyoung completely. He can’t deny it, he’s kind of jealous of Yukhei and his very attractive traits, body and face. He grits his teeth in annoyance, turning his head and telling himself it’s none of his business - Taeyong has moved on and so did he.  
  
But did he really? Is he starting to rethink this entire thing? Has his jealousy taken over him and the immense urge of having Taeyong by his side again is finally bursting out?

 

_New message_

 

  
To: **Taeyong(brat)** ****  
****

**_You:_ ** **_  
_ ** I think we should talk, about...whatever happened in that party. R u busy today?

 **Delivered**  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed! <3


	8. Waning Crescent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aLRIGHT so, this fic is kind of coming to an end, as sad as I am to say it everything has to end eventually :( but there's still one more episode left so pls anticipate it! This chapt is quite soft and cute, not much angst or anything like that...anyways i hope you enjoy reading this!

It’s 3:46pm when Taeyong finally notices the message Doyoung had sent him earlier, not believing his own eyes, he double-checks, it is indeed Doyoung.  

His heart is pounding in his chest. different scenarios and reasons as to why Doyoung wants to talk about whatever happened in that mess of a party running through his mind.

Frankly, Taeyong has been trying to forget, convincing himself he doesn’t remember anything from whatever happened in that room since he was under the influence of alcohol though, he knows damn well that every minuscule detail from that party is engraved in his memory, every small touch that made Taeyong feel like he’s being burned alive, the warm breath on his skin, Doyoung’s soothing, weak voice, his fixated eyes that never left Taeyong’s - it all felt like a dream.

Unfortunately, that dream has been shattered multiple times by Doyoung who had not only walked away on Taeyong once - but twice.

It breaks Taeyong’s heart, coming to the realization that Doyoung has finally moved on, not even feeling the slightest of empathy or sympathy towards Taeyong. It might be ignorant of him to be hurt simply because Doyoung has moved on but it still baffles him, the fact they used to be such good friends but one simple mistake made them fall apart, act like complete strangers.

Is it wrong of Taeyong to want Doyoung all to himself? Is it wrong that even after all this time and all this pain and sorrow he’s been through because of their dysfunctional so called friendship he still wants Doyoung by his side in belief they can fix all of this? That they can make it work? 

Taeyong would like to try, he wants to break all barriers and fears that have been holding him up until now, those fears and mental barriers have messed things up for him more than once and he doesn’t want that anymore, he doesn’t want to be the hesitant one, the coward, the one that floods himself with painful memories and emotions he never got to express and at the end of the day find himself crying to sleep.  
  
He wants to love and be loved and he’s willing to make a change, not only for the purpose of love but for the purpose of self healing.  
  
**_You:_ ** ****  
  
im free now, meet me outside of my house in like an hour?  
  
  
Taeyong hesitates for a second, contemplating if he should really send that text, if they do meet and talk what is Doyoung going to say? What is he going to say? He washes those thoughts away, immediately reminding himself of the change he’s willing to make to become better, to turn his life into something positive and happy and this is the first step.  
  
He presses send, feeling like his heart is going to burst out of his chest, waves of nervousness and anxiety washing over him, it’s quite hard for him to change his entire way of thinking, getting rid of a habit he has always failed of laying off - overthinking. Which leads him to unpleasant, anxious thoughts and acts of stupidity that arise from those thoughts.  
  
  
Taeyong waits for a few minutes, blankly staring at the wall and not daring to open his phone, too scared for some reason.

A reply from Doyoung comes shortly after:  
  
**_Doyoung:_ ** ****__  
  
Sure, ill be there  
  
  
Taeyong can’t deny the small smile forming on his face, the way his heart flutters at the thought of Doyoung practically coming over to his house to talk. The contents of the conversation they’re going to hold may not be pleasing to hear(at least that’s what Taeyong thinks) but he’s willing to face it all, talk it all out and cleanse his soul and body from all this unbearable pain he’s been holding inside. Even if Doyoung and him will never be able to go back to normal at least he’ll know he tried.  
  
Time goes by pretty fast, Taeyong gets up from the bed and hurriedly goes to his closet, searching for a casual yet not _too_ casual outfit - it’s not like he wants to impress Doyoung but he kind of does.  
  
He searches through the closet, looking for that one white long sleeved shirt Doyoung would always compliment Taeyong about whenever he wore it, not like he’s going to do it now considering their current status.

At last Taeyong finds the desired shirt, changing from his comfortable pajamas to black casual sweatpants and the white shirt he’s planned on wearing.  
  
After changing he turns around, facing himself in the mirror - examining his own self, his small, skinny, nearly bony, pale figure, his tired eyes that haven’t had any spark in them ever since that day at Doyoung’s house, his lazy posture and dry hair that has been neglected due to the lack of showers. It’s not like Taeyong doesn’t shower, he loves feeling clean and fresh but lately, the despair that has taken over him has been making him feel empty, worthless, too exhausted to even get up and shower or even do simple tasks such as taking the trash out or making a meal to himself or even cleaning his room which he loves doing. Taeyong somehow manages, barely but he does.  
  
Taeyong’s phone vibrates, snapping him out of the draining thoughts. Feelings of excitement and uneasiness are starting to creep inside of him. He’s excited to see Doyoung yet, he doesn’t want to face that new side of him that Taeyong doesn’t know, the side that has completely denied Taeyong’s being and existence and has moved on.  
  
He doesn’t want to get hurt but if he does, it’s only necessary for his own healing - accepting reality and gradually letting go of the pain.  
  
He unlocks his phone, the message on the screen showing bright and clear.  
  
**_Doyoung:_** ** _  
_**  
im outside  
  
  
Such a simple, basic text message yet it’s shaking Taeyong’s heart, heart racing in his chest and heartbeats unsteady, blush staining his cheeks red and ears reddening at the thought of Doyoung waiting outside of his house. He gets going, a small smile that has formed on his face the moment he received the text message never leaving his face.

He goes down the stairs, heartbeats increasing with each step he takes, he’s trying to get rid of the smile that is still spread across his face but fails - the excitement taking over him. He finally reaches the door, hands shaky and ears still red, the feeling in the pit of his stomach is unclear, is he stressed? Excited? Scared?

Whatever it is, Taeyong couldn’t care less right now because Doyoung is standing right in front of him, his silky black hair falling perfectly on his delicate forehead and on the tips of his ears, his pink thin lips looking softer than ever and his almond shaped eyes that Taeyong swears he could get lost in staring right into his soul - he’s infatuated with the idea of Doyoung being this close to him and for a moment he forgets this conversation is going to be quite serious.

 

“Hey.” Doyoung says, an awkward smile on his face.

Taeyong inhales, “Hey, how...are you?” His voice hesitant and unsure.

“I’m fine, thank you. And you?” Doyoung cocks his head slightly upwards, tone a bit too formal.

It feels weird, talking as if they’re two strangers or acquaintances that have never really gotten to talk to each other, the discomfort is slowly building up.

“I’m okay, I’m- yeah...I’m good.” Taeyong is panicking on the inside, not knowing what to say at this point and the conversation just started. Are they going to stand like this for the rest of the conversation? Should he invite Doyoung inside or would that be too much? All types of thoughts distracting him right now.

“You don’t seem too good. Have you been sleeping lately?” Doyoung says, reminded of Taeyong’s small figure laid down on Yukhei’s legs, sleeping soundly.

It takes Taeyong a few moments to respond as he’s taken aback by Doyoung’s unexpected question.

“Not...really, school has been stressing me out and mom and dad aren’t home, as well as my sister because college and so I’m all alone and-“ He’s interrupted by Doyoung.

“Is it really school? Sorry for being blunt but Taeyong, I-” he takes a deep breath before talking again “I want to put all the cards on the table. I want to be honest for once, for _us_ to be honest for at least once.” He sighs in relief, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

He wants to fix this, he misses Taeyong, he wants Taeyong by his side but he’s unsure if Taeyong would like the same thing yet he still tries, willing to face the consequences that will come along with this conversation. No more fears or feelings to hide, he wants to be honest, he will be honest.

It’s like Doyoung knew what Taeyong has been thinking, what he’s been trying to aim for. Have they been thinking the same thing or is this all just a weird coincidence?

Taeyong is a bit reluctant, hesitating and thinking of the right words, at last he spits it out.

“It’s not school.” He gulps. “I don’t care about school at the moment. Something has been on my mind for a long time and I can’t get it out. It messes me up yet I can’t lay it off, can’t get rid of it. Actually-” He stops for a second to catch his breath, heart feeling like it’s going to explode in any moment. “I don’t want to get rid of it.” Taeyong just let out the biggest thing that has been burdening him for weeks, the thing that has been making him feel like the world has completely turned against him, feeling like everything he sees is colorless, empty and meaningless, he wants to change that.

Doyoung is surprised by Taeyong’s unpredicted honesty, he’s never been this honest, at least not this easily - Doyoung would always have to force things out of Taeyong in order for him to tell him what’s on his mind and it was never easy.

Doyoung licks his lips, eyebrows raised and ears slightly red as he’s trying to think of the right words to use. “What is it on your mind?”

Taeyong doesn’t hesitate this time, his mind is set on falling out of this self-destroying situation he’s in - all the barriers in his brain gone and removed. He only sees happiness, he wants to reach out to it, he craves healing.

“ _You_.” The heavy weight that has been weighing him down is finally starting to lift itself up, Taeyong can basically feel the relief slowly washing over him. It’s strange but Taeyong is finally beginning to realize being honest is the key.

Doyoung swears he could feel his heart dropping from his chest all the way down to the ground, the simple word, ‘you’ shaking his entire being, this is the first time Taeyong has been so straightforward and Doyoung is shocked, not believing his ears.

He snaps out of it when he feels tiny, wet drops falling on his hair and skin, it’s starting to rain. He looks up to the sky, dark, grey clouds covering the blue, bright sky.

“But” Taeyong adds, startling Doyoung.

“I can’t seem to forget you, I can’t seem to get you out of my mind. My mind doesn’t want to forget you.”

The rain intensifies, washing the two completely but both of them don’t seem to be bothered.

“It’s been so hard, Doyoung. every time I saw your face I wanted to cry. Just being reminded of your eyes or lips or nose or warm hands or your incredibly silky soft hair or when your name was brought up, it made me want to burst into tears. I thought- I thought we could fix it but then...you left, you walked away and I was so angry, at myself and I still am but that doesn’t matter anymore because it’s all in the past now and I get it if you-“ He stops, the sight in front of him takes him by surprise, he gasps upon seeing Doyoung tearing up, the tears slowly rolling down his face and blending with the rain, his hair and clothes are already damp but he looks beautiful - even when he’s crying.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Taeyong. I knew you were hurting I did but-“ Doyoung is struggling to let the words out, the pain he’s been holding inside of him bursting out now.

“I never knew how much, I never got to hear it from _you._ I kept denying our friendship, everything that has happened between us, your own fucking existence. God I’m such a fucking dumbass I’m so-“ He’s choking up, the lump in his throat making it hard to talk. _“I’m sorry that I walked away.”_ He catches his breath, wiping away the tears and moving the damp strands of hair that are sticking to his forehead. “I want to fix this, us. I want to be by your side, Taeyong.”

Taeyong is crying now too, the words Doyoung had just said going right through his heart, it finally dawned upon him that Doyoung has been suffering as well. He was so sure that he was the only one hurting, that Doyoung has moved on and forgotten Taeyong but it was never the case, they were both hurting, longing for each other yet not doing anything about it. So sure the other doesn’t want him anymore.

 

Life is strange, we assume things that may not be true at all - leading ourselves to our own misery without even realizing, without knowing what we could’ve had.

Will Doyoung and Taeyong be able to fix this?

 

  
It’s storming outside, the rain washing everything away, flooding the streets and turning everything into dark and gloomy.  
  
Jungwoo and Jaehyun are doing their homework in Jaehyun’s room, the heavy rain making the atmosphere and the tension between them a little too weird.  
  
“So tell me why you’re here again?” Jaehyun asks, genuinely interested in knowing.  
  
“Why not? It’s raining so I can’t go home now but why not do our homework together?” Jungwoo says, focused in writing down equations.  
  
“Uh, I guess…” Jaehyun scratches the back of his neck, confused but accepting the situation.  
  
They stay quiet for awhile, both wanting to finish this as soon as possible and free themselves not only from the homework but from the odd atmosphere as well.  
  
“Alright I think I’m done here.” Jaehyun says and sighs in relief, putting down the pen he was holding, staring at Jungwoo who is lying on his stomach, his eyebrows furrowed and lips pouty - look of concentration on his face. Jaehyun thinks he’s beautiful, he has always found Jungwoo attractive, not just look-wise but also his soft, honey like voice and bright personality that may have made Jaehyun see the world in a different light for a change. He can’t deny the fact he’s been doing things more spontaneously now that Jungwoo has walked into his life, and he doesn’t hate it.  
  
Jungwoo sits up, tidying up and closing his notebook, a satisfied smile on his face. He opens his mouth to talk when all of a sudden he feels warm lips on his, lingering on his mouth and not moving, as if waiting for a response.  
  
Jungwoo freezes, the situation overwhelming him. Jaehyun’s lips on his, kissing him out of nowhere with no warning or any hints, just like that.  
  
It’s Jungwoo’s first kiss, he has never kissed anyone in his life and this is weird and new to him - it’s not like he’s never seen people kissing but being kissed by someone and kissing them is different.  
  
Jungwoo accepts the kiss, closing his eyes and slightly moving his lips, not really knowing what to do in this type of situation. Jaehyun twitches, surprised that Jungwoo had actually responded, he was preparing to back away and pretend like nothing even happened and use the ‘it was in the heat of the moment’ kind of excuse but since the exact opposite is happening right now he slightly moves forward, one hand cupping Jungwoo’s face and the other on the floor, stabilizing himself. He doesn’t really know what’s the reason for this sudden urge, why he wanted to kiss Jungwoo so bad all of a sudden but he’s kissing him right now and it feels right, no other person coming to mind and no negative thoughts running through his head, it feels good, surreal.  
  
Ecstatic, Jaehyun leads the kiss, placing his lips on top of Jungwoo’s top lip, lightly licking it and tasting it, the soft texture of Jungwoo’s lips exciting him, a small smile forming on his lips and by that breaking the kiss. Jungwoo opens his eyes, confused.  
  
“Why’d you stop? Did I do something wrong?” A worried expression on Jungwoo’s face, he’s nervous.  
  
Jaehyun is smiling, one hand still cupping Jungwoo’s face. He moves a bit and places his other hand on Jungwoo’s face, now both hands cupping his delicate, doll-like face.  
  
“No” He’s getting close again. “It’s just that” Their faces only a few inches apart from each other. “You’re so cute” He connects their lips again, his heart fluttering at the way Jungwoo gives in, accepting Jaehyun’s embrace and warmth without asking any questions as if it was all planned. Like the world brought them together to end up like this. An unexplainable feeling that Jaehyun never wants to fall out of.  
  
Jaehyun breaks the kiss again a few moments later, dizzying sensation washing over him, he’s on cloud nine. They stare at each other, it all feels magical, weird yet right like it was all supposed to happen.  
  
“Can I kiss you again?” Jungwoo says, irresistible puppy eyes and pouty lips.  
  
Jaehyun nods, closing his eyes and waiting for Jungwoo to kiss him - he does. It feels like a dream, better than a dream.  
  
Perhaps Jaehyun has finally found his source of healing and happiness.  
  
  
  
The rain is heavy. Doyoung and Taeyong are soaked, the tears still rolling down their faces as they stare at each other.  
  
“Let’s go inside, we can’t stay here.” Taeyong raises his voice so he can be heard over the heavy rain.  
  
Doyoung nods frantically, walking towards the house and closer to Taeyong, Taeyong opening the door and Doyoung right beside him, they’re both freezing and shaking unable to form any coherent words.

They enter the warm house, not minding the fact they’re wetting the floor.  

“I’ll go get us some towels uh...you can go to my room or something.” Taeyong says awkwardly.

Doyoung nods, too cold to mind the odd tension. He goes up the familiar stairs, a chill going down his spine as he’s suddenly reminded of all the sweet memories he had made in this house. He truly missed Taeyong.  
  
He gets inside Taeyong’s room, neat and tidy as always though Taeyong would probably insist that it’s dirty and messy. The familiar sweet scent of Taeyong’s cozy room relaxing Doyoung.

Taeyong enters the room, panting and shaking, he hands Doyoung one towel and wraps the other towel around his own shoulders, looking like a wet, small puppy.

“Thanks” Doyoung takes the towel, running his hands through his dripping wet hair and gently squeezing the water out of his hair onto the towel.

They’re both still cold, the damp clothes sticking to their skin and making the two uncomfortable.

Doyoung’s eyes widen, instantly reminded of the set of clothes he had lent Taeyong back then, the day where he kicked Taeyong out of his house and decided on cutting all ties with the latter.

“Do you remember when I lent you some of my clothes once? Can I have them back? So I can change right now...I’m super cold so-“ Doyoung says, the awkwardness can be heard in his voice.  
  
It takes Taeyong a few moments to physically respond as it’s hitting him that Doyoung is talking about the clothes from the same dark day he hasn’t stopped thinking of ever since it happened.  
  
How strange, Doyoung, in Taeyong’s house asking Taeyong for the clothes he had lent him the same day he kicked him out of his house. It’s all coming back to him, he finally realizes the world is bending at his own will, that being honest has been the solution all along.  
  
Taeyong nods without saying a word, quickly goes to his closet and pulls out the set of clothes he never dared on touching or looking at ever since that same day.  
  
His hands are shaky, indescribable feeling in the pit of his stomach, driving him mad - he wants to get things moving, itching to do something about Doyoung, about _them_ now that he knows Doyoung wants the same.  
  
“Is it okay if I change in the restroom or…?” Doyoung asks, an unreadable expression on his face - everything is so unclear and it drives Taeyong crazy yet he nods mindlessly.  
  
Doyoung heads to the restroom, leaving Taeyong alone for a few moments, he decides to change as well, not wanting to catch a cold or anything of that kind.  
  
He waits, sitting on his bed and blankly staring at the wall, he wants to cry again, disbelief - the fact that this is happening, that for once they’re both honest with each other, both aware of each other’s inner feelings and thoughts that they never visibly show, Taeyong wants to be honest for the rest of his life, at least when it comes to Doyoung.  
  
Doyoung comes back, eyes halted as he’s not sure of what to do, should he just sit on the bed beside Taeyong? Wait for Taeyong to tell him to sit beside him? Sit on the floor?  
  
Taeyong is eager, he may be nervous but he won’t let it show, motioning Doyoung to sit beside him on the bed, Doyoung joins him, both sitting and staring at the wall, the tension lingering in the air along with the awkward silence.  
  
Taeyong decides to speak up “Why did you kick me out of your house that day? Without saying anything? I tried contacting you but you obviously didn’t want anything to do with me so I gave up at...some point.” Taeyong breaks the silence, nothing holding him back now as he’s getting straight to the point.  
  
Doyoung is nervously playing with his fingers, fidgeting and thinking of what to say next.  
  
“Why were _you_ sending me mixed signals? One second you were so affectionate and warm towards me and a second later you backed away and gave me the cold shoulder. Why did you kiss my neck and then backed off when I obviously tried kissing you back?” Doyoung is blunt now, letting out everything that has been on his mind, burdening him for way too long.  
  
Taeyong is embarrassed, blush going up all the way from his neck up to his face, staining his cheeks bright red. He never thought Doyoung would ever ask this, that he’d be this straightforward and get to the point this quickly but here he is, thinking of the right answers to all these questions.  
  
“I- never meant to...it’s just that- I never intended on sending mixed signals or...anything like that I-” It’s hard for him to face it all, admitting to Doyoung the reason to all of this is because he has feelings for Doyoung, immense love, affection, appreciation towards his precious friend that he wants all to himself. He takes a deep breath, preparing himself to let it all out. “I never intended on sending mixed signals, I was just trying to be by your side but I didn’t want it to get too much, I didn’t want you to think I’m being too clingy or annoying or-”  
  
“Why would I think you’re annoying Taeyong?” Doyoung sighs. “We’ve known each other for at least three years now and you really think you could in some way annoy me?” Doyoung says, now turning his head to face Taeyong who is playing nervously with the fabric of his pants.  
  
“I don’t know I...just kind of assumed I may be a nuisance when I cling...too much or being too affectionate without any warning or reason behind. I- Doyoung can I say something?”  
  
“What is it?” Doyoung is still looking at Taeyong.  
  
Taeyong now turns his head, they’re making eye contact, his heart is pounding - he’s quite hesitant but he can’t hold it back anymore, he has to say it.  
  
_“I like you.”_ He finally lets the words out and it feels good, it feels right, it’s what he wants, he wants to hold onto Doyoung, forever.  
  
Silence lingers in the air for a few moments, not breaking eye contact, both feeling the tension slowly breaking.  
  
“I like you. That’s why I did all that, that’s why I was never sure about anything, how you’d feel if I ever told you, if you’d reject me or just say we should stay friends and nothing more than that. I was a coward, I didn’t want to ruin this friendship, us. But I want to be honest now, I don’t care what the results are, I just want you to know.”  
  
Doyoung is speechless, feeling like warmth is surrounding him, wrapping him in its arms and accepting him, this is everything he’s ever wanted, to have Taeyong say these words, to want him back, to be genuine with him, to never hide his feelings and it’s happening.  
  
_“I like you too.”_ He licks his lips and hesitantly places his hand on Taeyong’s, Taeyong twitches, taken aback yet never breaking eye contact with the latter. “I’ve liked you since sophomore year, I like you and I never stopped liking you. I tried, I tried forgetting you but my mind never allowed me to. You’re unforgettable, Taeyong.” A small smile forming on Doyoung’s face, the nervousness has passed and the only thing Doyoung is feeling right now is warmth and acceptance, happiness and inner peace.  
  
Taeyong is still blushing, the redness not leaving his face just yet. Is he dreaming? Is this real? Did Doyoung really just say he likes him back? It’s all too much for his weak, poor heart that is beating so incredibly fast it might just burst out of Taeyong’s chest.  
  
“Y-you do?” Taeyong says absentmindedly, mind too occupied with Doyoung’s words echoing in his ears.  
  
Doyoung nods, grabbing both of Taeyong’s hands now. “Of course I do, do you not believe me?” He says quite teasingly now.  
  
“No, no I- I do I just, it feels unreal I never thought you’d actually like me bac-” He’s cut off by Doyoung who is now hugging him so tight he can feel the warmth and affection, feeling as if their hearts are connected, reunited. Taeyong closes his eyes, giving in and hugging Doyoung back - accepting the long awaited embrace.  
  
He feels calm, everything is exactly where it should be, where it belongs. Taeyong and Doyoung belong in each other’s arms.  
  
Doyoung breaks the hug after a minute or so, staring into Taeyong’s big and beautiful eyes that Doyoung could swear they hold the galaxy, he’s infatuated, immersed in Taeyong.  
  
Their foreheads are touching, lips inches part from connecting and Doyoung is trying his hardest to hold himself back from latching onto Taeyong’s soft lips.  
  
“Can I...? Uh...” Doyoung whispers, struggling the let the words out. His weak voice giving Taeyong chills.  
  
Taeyong nods, closing his eyes. This is it, the moment he’s waited for, the moment he finally gets to have Doyoung all to himself, he feels complete.  
  
Their lips connect, Doyoung’s heart tightens at the warm, satisfying sensation.  
It’s happening, they finally get to have each other, no more lies, no more hiding feelings, no more excuses. Just them being themselves and it feels good.

They stay like that for a few moments, not moving their lips and taking each other’s presence.  
  
Taeyong moves his lips at some point, slightly startling Doyoung but he goes along with it, moving his lips as well, their warm mouths connecting, moving against each other. Doyoung places his hand on the back of Taeyong’s neck, deepening the kiss, Taeyong places his hand on Doyoung’s toned chest, he feels safe and small in his presence and he loves it, he really couldn’t ask for more.  
  
For a few moments they allow themselves to forget about anything else around them, just them in their own ideal universe and they’re content, happy, the sadness and sorrow have disappeared and their hearts are now filled with love and affection.  
  
There’s no place they’d rather be other than here, in each other’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!! also there's one part where out of nowhere it transits to Jaewoo,,,i just couldnt resist and had to put them in there somehow,,,im sorry if it confused any of you ! again, thank you for reading <3


	9. Moonrise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a loooong time of not writing as a result of a serious writers block i'm back with the last chapter of my fic and i'd like to dedicate it to my dear friend Eich, thank you for being such an amazing friend and supporting me and my fic and also a big thank you for being part of the reason my writers block is gone! So happy birthday I love you so much!

_ April _ . It’d been seven months since Taeyong and Doyoung started dating. Seven months since they began creating new, happy memories and moments they never want to forget, being honest with each other, never keeping secrets from the other, and loving each other unconditionally.    
  
Taeyong had invited Doyoung to stay over as his parents. His sister wouldn’t be home for the rest of the weekend, and of course Doyoung agreed, because how could he refuse his boyfriend that he cherishes so much?

  
They’re lying on Taeyong’s bed, passionately making out. Doyoung’s on top of Taeyong, arms placed on each side of Taeyong’s head, trapping Taeyong’s small figure beneath him. One of Taeyong’s hands rubbing small circles on the back of Doyoung’s neck, and the other placed on his bicep, squeezing it once in a while just because he can.   
  
They share a feverish kiss, lips grazing against each other and taking in the other’s taste. Doyoung slowly slides his tongue in, asking for passage and Taeyong opens his mouth a little wider, giving Doyoung’s warm tongue access. They’re both eager, the kiss deepening with each passing second, Doyoung sucks on Taeyong’s tongue, a guttural moan almost escaping Taeyong’s mouth. He teases a bit, biting on Taeyong’s bottom lip and sucking - Taeyong lets out a soft whimper, wanting more. 

 

Doyoung gets the hint, slowly traveling downwards to Taeyong’s neck, sucking and biting - already knowing all of the latter’s sensitive spots. Taeyong bites his lips, trying his hardest to hold back the whines threatening to spill from his mouth. A conceited smile appearing on Doyoung’s face, he goes upwards again - placing open mouthed kisses on Taeyong’s sharp jaw, Taeyong twitches under him - the warm sensation driving him crazy. 

 

He loves when Doyoung spoils him with love and attention, giving him exactly what he wants and needs - just how he likes.

 

Doyoung then gets cockier, wanting to tease Taeyong even more, he bites on his earlobe. A chill running down Taeyong’s spine, making him arch his back off the bed and buck his hips up to meet Doyoung’s - he whines at the bare friction and Doyoung can’t help but let out a small chuckle at how needy Taeyong is.   
  
He slowly lifts himself up, now facing Taeyong - he can’t deny the fact he’s starting to get aroused from the sight in front of him. Taeyong’s kiss swollen pink lips that have been kissed thoroughly and big eyes staring into his soul, slowly filling up with more need and lust - begging for Doyoung.

 

He caresses his cheek, moving away the bangs covering his hypnotizing doe eyes. They stare at each other for a few moments, taking in each other’s presence and it feels as if the world has stopped - timeless, like it’s all frozen and they’re the only ones moving, breathing, existing - as if they created their own universe and it feels so special and right, their own ideal world where they allow themselves to get lost in each other.

 

“Doyoung” Taeyong says in a weak voice, almost whispering.

 

“Hm?” Doyoung hums in response, still caressing Taeyong’s cheek.

 

“Are we...doing something?” Taeyong asks quite hesitatingly.

 

“Do you want us to do something?” Doyoung smirks upon seeing the blush going up all the way from Taeyong’s neck to his cheeks, staining them bright red.

 

Taeyong only nods - too embarrassed to respond, his hand - absentmindedly is still rubbing small circles on the back of Doyoung’s neck, using his other hand to playfully brush his nails up and down Doyoung’s spine.

 

“Alright baby” Doyoung places a quick soft kiss on Taeyong’s nose and Taeyong shudders at the pet name.

 

He grabs the hem of taeyong’s shirt, slowly taking it off, staring at Taeyong’s flat stomach and thin waist in what seems like admiration. Taeyong turns his head to look away, too embarrassed to make eye contact - the intimacy making him shy. 

 

It’s not like he’s not comfortable around Doyoung - he is. But sometimes Doyoung makes him feel like he’s the only person in the world, which should be a good thing but Taeyong hasn’t gotten used to the idea of being so loved and admired by someone like this - the way Doyoung loves him and makes sure to remind him that he loves him dearly ever so often with small acts of affection.

 

Doyoung takes a deep breath before lowering his head to face one of Taeyong’s nipples, he then takes one in his mouth and not a second later Taeyong’s hand is on top of his head, waiting for Doyoung to do something so he can pull on the black locks of hair, the action slightly boosting Doyoung’s ego. He starts swirling his tongue around Taeyong’s sensitive nipple - a small whine can be heard from above him. Taeyong is sensitive and Doyoung loves it.

 

Doyoung then bites the nub, sucking and grazing his teeth against it and Taeyong is already pulling on Doyoung’s hair hard enough to get Doyoung even more aroused than he is already. 

 

Taeyong then mumbles something but Doyoung can’t quite catch it, too focused on teasing Taeyong. He places his hand on Taeyong’s other nipple, slowly rubbing circles around the nub with his index finger - the sensation driving Taeyong crazy, he lets out a moan Doyoung didn’t expect hearing this early. 

 

“Eager, aren’t we?” Doyoung looks up at Taeyong, keeping the cocky act up.

 

“I—“ Taeyong is at loss of words, face flushed and ears red.

 

“Can I kiss you? Like, again?”

 

Taeyong only nods, already far too gone to form any coherent words and sentences, letting Doyoung take the lead.

Doyoung moves upwards once again, grasping Taeyong’s chin, staring at Taeyong’s lips without saying a word. Taeyong closes his eyes, waiting for something to happen, for Doyoung to kiss him as he was the one asking to kiss Taeyong.

 

“Do you know how beautiful you are? Do I not say it enough? I mean it. Do you think I should say it more often? Because I truly think you’re the prettiest person in the whole world.” 

Taeyong opens his eyes, looking right into Doyoung’s, their lips almost meeting. Taeyong doesn’t say anything and instead surges forward to connect their lips in response to Doyoung’s heart fluttering words - their lips meet, lips on lips, bodies closer than ever, touching each other and feeling one another - they belong to each other, they both know it, they both  _ feel  _ it.

Doyoung detaches their lips, getting up from the position they were just in to settle himself on Taeyong’s lap.

 

“I like your nails” Doyoung says unexpectedly, sounding excited.

 

“My nails? Like...the color?” 

 

“Yeah, black suits you. Everything suits you.” Doyoung smiles at Taeyong and takes one of his hands in his.

 

“Thank you I— I really didn’t think you’d notice—“ he flickers his eyes, trying once again to avoid eye contact as he’s embarrassed by the compliments.

 

“I notice everything when it comes to you though, don’t you know that already?” He then takes Taeyong’s hand bringing his lips closer to the hand held in his and kisses it gently, appreciatively. “I’m crazy about you.”

 

“Doyoung” Taeyong’s tone holding trace of neediness.

“Hm?”

"I want more...like— more, more than what we did up until now I just-“ he takes a deep breath and properly sits on the bed before mustering up the courage to talk again.

  
“I want to feel you. More, I want you to touch me more than you do now I— I want to... _ make love with you _ .” His heart jumps in his chest from his own words, surprised he even let it out.

 

Doyoung, still seated on Taeyong’s lap is speechless - for the first time in a while experiencing the inability to express himself, too shocked to talk, he simply grabs Taeyong’s arms, pulling him into a tight hug - putting all of his emotions into that hug. 

 

He puts his hand on Taeyong’s head, petting his silky dark brown hair, his other hand wrapped around his waist. Taeyong gives in, his head naturally landing on Doyoung’s toned chest, hearing Doyoung’s erratic heartbeats and wrapping both of his hands around Doyoung’s slim waist.

They stay like that for a few minutes, eyes closed and hearts feeling like they’re about to jump out of their chests. Their warm bodies protecting each other, reassuring one another they’re there, always and forever.

Taeyong slips one hand under Doyoung’s shirt, wanting to feel him more, he traces his fingers over his spine, outlining it with imaginary lines created by his fingers, he goes upwards, gently rubbing his shoulder, he slips his other hand in as a hint for Doyoung to take his shirt off completely. A brief moment later Doyoung registers in mind Taeyong’s obvious actions - he takes off his shirt in no time, detaching their warm bodies to stare down at Taeyong, placing his warm hand on his cheek.

 

“ _ I want to make love with you, too _ . I want it to be memorable, I want it to be special.” He says in a soft voice, looking into Taeyong’s shining eyes.

 

Taeyong looks mesmerizing in the dim light of the room, hair messy and lips swollen, his eyes full of lust and love, ready to be taken away by Doyoung, be held by him, be  _ his.  _ Taeyong’s Doyoung.

Doyoung lightly pushes Taeyong down onto the mattress, setting himself down as well and spreading open mouthed kisses on Taeyong’s neck all the way down to his chest. Taeyong heaves, being the sensitive person he is. Doyoung spreads Taeyong’s legs open in order to make himself a small space between Taeyong’s legs. He’s now facing Taeyong’s crotch, eyes flickering from Taeyong’s crotch to his face to watch his expressions.

Taeyong is full of anticipation, waiting to be touched, _itching_ to be touched by Doyoung. Doyoung then unbuttons Taeyong’s tight jeans, pulling them down leaving him in only his underwear. Taeyong is hard already, the anticipation and excitement going straight to his groin. Doyoung lowers his head and starts mouthing Taeyong through his underwear, wettening the fabric with each lick.

Taeyong grunts, finding purchase in Doyoung’s hair and bucking his hips forward, Doyoung holds his hip in place, making sure he doesn’t get the satisfaction of feeling in full control, he wants to have it his way, to make love to Taeyong the way he wants to.

 

“Ah, more please-“ Taeyong breathes the words out.

 

“Mhm” Doyoung hums, sending vibrations down Taeyong’s dick which makes Taeyong shudder. Doyoung is fast with taking the remaining fabric off, getting rid of it by throwing it to the other side of the room.

  
Taeyong is now fully exposed in front of Doyoung, this fragile and vulnerable side of Taeyong is only for Doyoung to see.

 

The first touch is electrifying, Doyoung’s hand on Taeyong’s hard dick, rubbing small circles on the slit. Taeyong groans, grabbing onto the sheets beneath him. He starts moving, slow movements up and down Taeyong’s dick, his other hand massaging Taeyong’s balls - Taeyong already writhing under him. Doyoung keeps a steady rhythm, not too slow yet not too fast, rubbing the slit to spread more precum for the slide to be smoother. 

 

“Doyoung, ah m-more please...please” Taeyong is already begging, biting his lips so hard he might injure himself. 

 

“I know baby, I know just- give me one sec.” Doyoung gets off the bed quickly taking off his jeans and underwear all at once and hopping onto the bed as quick as possible.

 

He sits on the bed, facing Taeyong - his legs slightly open. 

 

“Come here” he motions for Taeyong to sit in his lap. Taeyong obeys, placing his small figure on top of Doyoung’s, his hands holding onto Doyoung’s broad shoulders for support. 

Their eyes meet, lips a few inches away from touching one another, Taeyong then lowers himself, their crotches gliding together - both simultaneously letting out a groan. Taeyong starts moving, rutting against Doyoung and grinding their dicks together in a messy rhythm, his mind clouded already. Their heavy breathing and the sound of their dicks sliding against each other the only thing that can be heard.

 

“Ah, Taeyong” Doyoung fighting the urge to grind back, his hands on Taeyong’s hips, holding them tight. Doyoung saying Taeyong’s name gets Taeyong going, he grinds harder, deeper, faster and latches onto Doyoung’s neck, licking and sucking - making sure to at least leave one mark. 

“Y-you’re so- ah please I can’t— I can’t hold myself back anymore.”

Doyoung manhandles Taeyong, lays him down on the bed and gets on top of him, grinding against Taeyong experiantly, turning Taeyong into a moaning mess beneath him. Taeyong loops his arms around Doyoung’s shoulders, nails digging into the flash as Doyoung’s pace intensifies with each second. 

 

“D-doyoung” Taeyong is panting. “I have...lube and condoms in the drawer.” He says out of nowhere, If Doyoung was in his right mind at the moment he’d definitely react differently, tease a bit and act as if he wasn’t ready for that comment but he’s too far gone to keep the cocky act up, only nodding and heading to the drawer next to the bed, rummaging through it, searching for the lube and condoms. At last, he finds them, grabbing the two objects he rushes to the bed.

Doyoung sits in the small space between Taeyong’s legs, the condoms laid beside them and the small bottle of lube in his right hand. He looks at Taeyong, waiting for instructions, after all this is the first time they’re doing this type of thing.

 

“Yong. I...what do I do? I just- I never really- uh. You know.” Doyoung says, flustered.

Taeyong props himself on his elbows, a small smile forming on his face.

“You need to put lube on your fingers first.” He motions with his head, eyes on the small bottle - his dick is hard, almost aching from not being touched, something about seeing Doyoung sitting in front of him, face flushed and hands slightly shaking turns him on even more.

Doyoung nods, uncapping the bottle and squeezing what seems like enough of the strawberry scented lube taeyong had picked onto his shaky fingers. His heart beating so hard in his chest he can hear the beats ringing in his ears.

Doyoung puts the bottle away, completely focusing on Taeyong now. He takes a deep breath “Please tell me if I somehow end up hurting you, no matter what. Don’t hesitate to stop me, I want it to be good not hurtful in any way. You promise, right?” Doyoung looks at Taeyong, waiting for a response.

 

Taeyong, still propped on his elbows catches Doyoung’s eyes with his, looking deeply into them, his stare says it all. He breaks the silence with one sentence “You’ll never hurt me. I trust you, more than anyone else.” He licks his lips, never breaking eye contact with the latter. 

Doyoung takes that as his cue to continue, inhaling sharply before angling his finger in front of Taeyong’s entrance. Taeyong holds his breath, not knowing what to expect as he’s never done it himself as well.

 

Doyoung pushes in slowly, the tip of his finger breaching, Taeyong lets out a whine - the unfamiliar sensation taking him by surprise. “Should I stop?” Doyoung says nervously. Taeyong is quick to respond, “No, no, no don’t stop please” he breathes out.

Doyoung then pushes his finger deeper, slow and cautious movements, not wanting to hurt Taeyong in any way. Taeyong whines, biting his lips to stop himself from whining - it burns, not enough for Doyoung to stop though. Doyoung stops moving the moment his finger is completely pushed inside Taeyong’s hole, letting Taeyong adjust to his finger.

Taeyong closes his eyes tightly, breathing in and out, letting himself adjust to Doyoung’s finger inside of him. He heaves. “M-move...it...your finger.” He turns his head, facing the pillow - breathing in his own scent that’s slightly mixed with the sweet, refreshing and familiar scent of Doyoung.

 

Doyoung moves his finger, slowly pulling his finger out of Taeyong - but not completely. Taeyong gasps, the unexpected sensation driving him crazy. He’s never felt this way, feeling as if his body is floating - mind on cloud 9, emotions overflowing him yet it feels good.

Doyoung pushes his finger in again, step by step stretching Taeyong. The burn is starting to feel good, no longer weird and unfamiliar. “More, ah more please.” Taeyong is now whimpering arousing Doyoung with his small whimpers and erotic facial expressions. Doyoung bites his lips, determined to pleasure Taeyong he pulls his finger out again, this time a little faster and less cautious. He pushes his finger in immediately, earning a moan from Taeyong. Doyoung settles on a steady pace, fingering Taeyong’s hole just enough for Taeyong to whine and whimper beneath him.

 

“ _ Ah. Fuck fuck— right there” _ Taeyong tightens his grip on the pillow beside him and the sheets beneath him. Doyoung looks up to capture Taeyong’s face with his eyes. 

“Here?” He pushes further, brushing the pad of his finger over Taeyong’s prostate - Taeyong rolls his eyes, a loud moan escaping from his lips. “Yes ah yes, right there— more.” He grunts. Doyoung obeys, rubbing his finger over Taeyong’s prostate, Taeyong fighting the urge to push down on Doyoung’s finger. “More I...more please.” Taeyong hisses, subtly hinting for Doyoung to add another finger. 

Doyoung pulls his finger out, quickly grabbing the bottle of lube, squeezing more onto his fingers. His hands are still shaking , and honestly, you can’t even blame him when the sight in front of him is so marvelous - Taeyong writhing under him, turning into a moaning mess because of  _ him,  _ begging for more. Doyoung wants to make this memorable, for Taeyong to enjoy every moment of this, for them to never forget this, he wants them to get lost in each other.

 

He inserts two fingers now, slow and careful, feeling a little more confident now that Taeyong has shown signs of pleasure and satisfaction. He pushes deeper, Taeyong squirming under him. It’s tight and warm and Doyoung’s mind is already clouded with lust, his dick hard and leaking just from the sight in front of him. “Ah Doyoung, yes yes yes like— like that.” Taeyong mumbles, almost incoherently. It gets Doyoung going, he pushes in, two knuckles deep - he stops moving, letting Taeyong adjust to the stretch once again. Taeyong’s eyes are shut tightly, lips red from being bitten so hard and bids of sweat already forming on his forehead, it’s getting intense and they both know it. 

 

“You can-“ Taeyong is panting heavily, struggling to form any words as the pleasure is taking over him. Doyoung doesn’t need to hear the latter say it for him to start moving his fingers, he starts thrusting his fingers in and out of Taeyong, slow but deep until Taeyong lets out a strangled moan driving Doyoung to go harder, his movements are faster now, sharp and smooth. Taeyong arches his back off the bed and lets out a loud moan. “Doyoung, Doyoung ah— Doyoung! Right there f—“ he found Taeyong’s sweet spot again. This time, full of confidence he rubs his fingers over his prostate, making Taeyong twist in his place, he grabs Doyoung’s shoulder, digging his nails into the skin, he opens his eyes - looking way too wrecked. “I won’t be able to” he gulps, “hold myself for so long” he breathes out.

 

Doyoung licks his lips, eyebrows furrowed in concentration, he won’t be able to keep going for so long as well, already feeling the burn at the pit of his stomach intensifying. He adds a third finger, sliding it in easily as Taeyong is already quite stretched. Taeyong whimpers, not expecting another finger. 

 

“Please, Please tell me if I’m hurting you in any way okay?” It’s more of a demand rather than a request.

Taeyong only nods, biting his lips and looking up, flickering eyes facing the ceiling.

Doyoung repeats his actions, thrusting his fingers in and out of Taeyong in a steady yet cautious rhythm, scared of hurting him.

 

Taeyong is moaning again, loud and clear, grabbing the sheets so tightly he might just rip them apart, messy hair and eyelids fluttered shut - he looks like the most beautiful creature known to humanity in Doyoung’s eyes. Doyoung wants to take him, unravel him, sway him to their own personal universe where just the two of them exist, where they only care for each other, only see each other, a universe where they can be themselves. 

 

Doyoung pulls his fingers out, taking his sweaty locks of hair back with his other hand and uprights himself, his dick is aching, leaking, dying to be touched. 

Taeyong whines at the loss of something filling him up, urging Doyoung to hurry up with incoherent mumbles, Doyoung barely understanding anything apart from “fast” and “please”. He glances at the condoms laid beside them, he takes one in his hands, inspecting it for a few moments before turning his head to focus on Taeyong. 

 

He tries to open the condom wrapper, struggling as his hands are a bit sweaty, after a few tries he gives up and rips it open with his teeth. He takes the condom out, inhaling sharply before rolling it on his dick. Doyoung groans and lets out the breath he didn’t know he was holding, his dick finally being touched after so long of neglecting himself for the sake of Taeyong’s pleasure(not that he’s complaining or anything). 

He gives himself a few strokes before lining his dick against Taeyong’s entrance, running his other hand through his hair again as a habit of stress, he’s quite nervous, the good type of nervous but nonetheless - nervous.

 

“Remember what you promised me?” 

 

“Yes.” Taeyong responds shortly after, the craving to be touched can be heard in his voice.

 

Doyoung tilts his head to the side, mentally preparing himself, his heart pounding hard in his chest, blush threatening to stain his cheeks. He places his hands on the back of Taeyong’s thighs, grabbing both and gently putting his legs on his shoulders, making sure Taeyong is comfortable with the position, he eyes him - searching for some type of confirmation. Taeyong nods, giving Doyoung the cue.

 

Doyoung rubs his dick against Taeyong’s entrance, earning a small moan from Taeyong who’s also way too nervous, eyes shut tightly, face flushed and tears threatening to spill from his eyes. Taeyong is a sentimental person, he likes to cherish and value the little emotional things in everything he’s involved in. This - their first time means everything to him, he may be way too emotional sometimes but this  _ is  _ special, to the both of them. He wants to get lost in Doyoung, to feel him on his skin, to be part of him. He wants Doyoung to explore him and unravel everything in him, to solve the mystery that is him, to solve this spiritual maze and open Taeyong up - not just physically. 

Doyoung gently pushes in, making Taeyong gasp and growl. He licks his lips, breathing through his nose intensely. The burn at the pit of his stomach reminding him of how much he needs this, how much he needs Taeyong. He pushes further, Taeyong hisses and grabs the sheets once again.

 

“Ah— fuck, you’re so fucking- ah— tight” They both moan in unison, The tightness driving Doyoung crazy, sending him to another dimension. “Doyoung, Doyoung please.” Doyoung is still halfway in, carefully sliding in the rest of his length. Taeyong moans, loud. The burn and slight pain going all the way to his spine, a wave of unexplainable pain and pleasure washing over him. 

At last, Doyoung bottoms out, not daring to make any move that might hurt Taeyong in any way, letting him adjust to his size. “Is it...okay? Are you okay?”

Taeyong takes his time, unable to form any words at the moment, breathing in and out.

“Y-yes. Move, please.” Doyoung doesn’t question it, letting Taeyong guide him through this. He moves, Taeyong lets out a almost inaudible moan, his eyes shut tight and ears red. Doyoung moves again, this time slowly setting a rhythm, small thrusts. Taeyong digs his nails into Doyoung’s skin, his hand on the back of Doyoung’s neck pulling him down. He whispers in his ear “Harder, please I-”    
A chill going down Doyoung’s spine, the warm breath on his ear and Taeyong’s words firing him up. He increases the rhythm, small thrusts turning into deeper ones, catching up to a faster pace. Both of them are now moaning in each other’s ears, whimpering and grunting. Taeyong clenching around Doyoung and Doyoung fucking into him relentlessly, panting and heaving.    
  
Taeyong takes Doyoung’s face in his hands, bringing his lips closer this Doyoung’s. “Kiss me” he says, almost breathless. Doyoung slots Taeyong’s lips with his own, kissing him sloppily yet passionately - the kiss intensifying with each thrust, exploring each other’s mouths with their tongues.    
  
“I love you, so so much.” Doyoung breaks the kiss, trying to catch his breath, moving away the bangs from Taeyong’s delicate face. “More than anything, ever. You mean so much to me, this means so much- to me.” His thrusts are now slower, deeper.    
  
Taeyong connects their lips again, holding Doyoung tighter than ever. “I- ah love you so much more. I can’t tell you-” he struggles to let out the words, the pleasure clouding his mind completely. He takes a deep breath, concentrating on Doyoung only. “How much I love you, I love you so so much, I love you Doyoung.” A tear streaming down his face, one of joy of course, as this moment, this exact moment means the world to him, engraved in his memory forever.   
  
They share a deep, meaningful kiss - putting all their emotions into it, every memory, thought, emotion and value.    
  
Doyoung’s pace is faster now, grinding into Taeyong, trying to find his sweet spot again. Taeyong moans loudly, Doyoung’s dick hitting his prostate perfectly, making him see white. He rolls his eyes and fucks himself on Doyoung’s dick, they moan simultaneously into each other’s mouths - both close, on the edge. Doyoung places his hand on Taeyong’s leaking dick, stroking it fast and sharp. Taeyong moves his head to the side, lips leaving Doyoung’s. “I’m so close uh- fuck I’m gonna-” Doyoung fucks into him faster, working his hand on his dick. He’s close as well, the churn at the pit of his stomach intensifying with each moan and thrust. Doyoung takes Taeyong’s face in his hands, kissing him hard before coming into the condom, a brief moment later Taeyong comes as well - both moaning into the kiss, sighing and breathing hard.    
  
They stay still for a few moments, coming down from their high. Doyoung pulls out of Taeyong, gets off of him and throws away the condom, barely able to stand from the lack of energy in his body. He gets back to the bed, lying on his side next to an exhausted Taeyong who has his eyes closed. He just stares at him without saying anything, admiring his beauty.    
  
“What are you looking at?” Taeyong opens one eye, as if peeking. “At god” Doyoung responds, sounding completely serious. Taeyong opens both of his eyes, hitting Doyoung’s shoulder. “Why do you like teasing me that much yah” Taeyong giggles, blush creeping up to his cheeks. “I’m not teasing you I’m stating the truth now shut up before I kiss you again.” His eyebrows furrowed, lips pushed forward in a pout. “I see how it is” Taeyong says teasingly, turning to his side now too - facing Doyoung. Their faces only inches apart but they aren’t talking, just staring at each other - taking in the other’s presence.   
  
“How was it?” Doyoung breaks the silence, his voice soothing and calming.    
  
“You were so good, I felt so...safe.” Taeyong smiles softly, taking Doyoung’s warm hand in his, his fingers entangled in Doyoung’s.    
  
“You know, I meant everything I said. I...am so happy to have met you Taeyong.” He caresses his cheek with the pad of his thumb, rubbing small circles on the smooth skin. “I appreciate you so much...you’re  _ the best thing I’ve ever had _ .” Doyoung blinks slowly, his eyelids heavy and mouth slightly open.    
  
“Thank you. For...for making me feel loved and- and...for loving me for who I am and not giving up on me so easily.” A tear rolling down his face. “I know we’ve had hardships along the way but- Doyoung, you have no idea how glad I am to have you beside me, not only as my lover but-” He sniffles, taking a deep breath. “But also as my best friend, you get me, you understand you- you’re not like others.” The tears slowly rolling down from his face to the sheets, Doyoung wiping them with his thumb.  He gets closer, Taeyong can feel his warm breath on his mouth.    
  
They share a deep kiss, the moonlight slightly beaming from outside, shedding light on the both of them, the moment becoming more magical than it already is.   
  
“I love you, I’lll never leave you - ever again, I promise to always be here no matter on what terms we’ll be in the future. Nothing comes even close to the half of you, Taeyong.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so so much for reading, to each and one of my readers I'd really like to thank you, I probably shouldn't get all sentimental here but this fic means a lot to me, it's taken me so long to plan it out and actually write it and I'm just happy I've gotten the chance to write dotae based on some real life experiences, so thank you so much for sticking up with me and my fic and I'm planning on writing more dotae for sure so :P Anyways, thank you so much for reading <3


End file.
